Part 52

Classification: TRHA

Rating: PG

Summary: Warning: if you're pregnant and worried, skip this, because while the situation here is drastically altered, this did happen to me-I had symptoms of appendicitis, and when an ultrasound was performed, I hit the jackpot-both appendicitis and a tubal pregnancy. It was a REAL shitty week.

Spoilers: None.

Disclaimer: Hey, they're ours, we're just letting you use them, 1013 Productions and Fox Television.
 
 

"I know that it's true, believe or not

But angels don't cry."

"Angels Don't Cry," by Richard Butler. Copyright 1987 by Columbia Music and used without permission.
 
 

Tamruwr
 
 

January 10, 2000

I felt as though I'd been asleep for five minutes.five years? Wasn't sure.

"I feel sick," I announced to no one in particular. It was the only sensation I had I could put a name to.

"Huh?" A fuzzy figure came into focus, as much as anything more than six inches from my face ever comes into focus. "You're awake." Langly. He leaned over and kissed me on the forehead. He seemed to be asleep himself.

"I feel sick. I'm thirsty," I complained. My throat was killing me. Things were coming back into focus, and the sensations were not pleasant ones.

"I'll get you some ice." He reached into a plastic container, inserted a cup, and popped a few ice chips in my mouth. I tried to mouth "Thank you" but no words came out. My lips were totally cracked.

"Lip balm," I croaked. "In my purse."

"Lemme take a look," he said as he got up, opened a locker, and rummaged through the contents. "God, Ally, whaddya have in here?" He finally unearthed a small stick of what I hoped was Blistik. As he dabbed some on my mouth, I was grateful to find that it was. He finished off the job by giving me a sweet, soft kiss, barely touching. Now that was a pleasant sensation.

"I gotta go home. Need to take care of the kids." I was still out of it.

"Kids are fine."

"Where are they?"

"Sleeping. In the lounge. They wouldn't go home. So's Byers, and Frohike, and Michael. Any other occasion, we'd have a party."

"Langly?" I blinked. "Did what I think happened.did it happen?" Everything seemed dreamlike; I wasn't sure which events were real and which were simply perceived.

He nodded slowly. "Uh-huh."

"Oh." I needed time to process this. I wasn't firing on all circuits yet. "Does Miranda know?"

"She knows."

"How'd she take it?"

"Depends on what you mean."

"I mean.about."

"She's pretty bummed about you being sick, and she got real scared when she found out you were going to surgery. So yeah, like she's pretty freaked."

"Not surprised." Once again, it was getting to be an effort to talk.

"Did you tell her.I was pregnant?"

"Did. She didn't say much about that."

"How long was I out?"

"Let's see. Think you went to surgery around 6, it's 7:08 a.m.-about 13 hours. You got up a few times, maybe you don't remember. You went to sleep pretty fast when you did."

"You been here all this time?"

"Yep."

"I'm glad. What'd you do?"

"Other than sitting around biting my nails and sweating bullets? Kept kids from freaking out, talked to Byers. Drank a lot of real bad coffee. Stole some smokes from you. My mouth feels like PE socks." I think he smiled a bit on that one.

"You always bite your nails."

"Yeah, but I really did 'em this time."

"Let's see." He splayed his fingers for me to look at. Even as unfocused as I was, and as nearsighted, it was obvious he'd gone in for the kill on this one. Two cuticles seemed to have dried blood on them. I laughed very weakly. "Even I'm not that bad, babe. Except when you're in this bed and I'm out there." I tried to feel my own fingers. Something was wrong.

"Langly. My ring." I became alarmed.

"I've got it," he patted one pocket. "Hand looks kinda puffy right now. When it goes down, I'll put it back on you. They made me take it off you before you had surgery."

"Thank you. How's Frohike?"

"He's fine. Old mother hen, he's worried as hell, but he's maintaining. Michael's just as bad as he is. Obvious genetic legacy there."

"Byers?"

He was silent for a while. "I think this is real tough for Byers."

"Why d'ya say?"

"Well, y'know, when Susanne got killed. And he never told me this before, but when Susanne died, they'd just found out they were expecting."

"Poor guy. Two hits for the price of one."

"Bad pun, but we'll let it go this time," he said as he smoothed my hair. "Yeah. We ended up sitting around and going at it for a while."

"Wow. I didn't know that part."

"Like I said, neither did I. I think Frohike knows. But Frohike always keeps the good gossip for himself."

"I think it's more that Frohike never breaks a confidence."

"Yeah. He doesn't. He knows stuff about me he'd never tell anyone, just 'cause I asked him not to."

"So John's not in good shape?"

"Ah, it's not really that.just sorta made me realize I came out ahead."

"How?"

"He lost Susanne. But you're here. Ally.Jesus fuck, Ally, I thought I was gonna lose it totally."

"You didn't. You're here. You're okay."

"No, not really. I'm not gonna say it's all right and everything, that I'm okay, because fact is, I feel like shit. I mean, I just figured.if it wasn't gonna happen, it just wouldn't happen. I didn't expect to get smacked in the face with it."

"Me neither, babe."

"Maybe we were stupid not to be more careful."

"Doesn't matter now."

"Fuck it doesn't, Ally. I could've lost you. I could've lost everything. All because-"

"All because we made a mutual decision to be sloppy?" I was still in pain, but I didn't like where this was going. I was in no mood for anyone's guilt tripping. "Listen, dude, the first time, we both decided to go for it. Me and you. And we didn't look back. And you know what? I'm not sorry." I wasn't.

"Ally, I think you're still drugged. You do realize you can't have kids anymore, don't you?"

"Yeah, I do. And yeah, it would've been nice to have it different, but that' s not the way it happened. I'm sorry that door is closed to us, babe. I warned you when we got engaged that heirs might be out of the question for you. If you can't live with that, then it's not going to work." I had to be possessed. Was there someone else in my body saying this? I think I was crying.

He was silent for what seemed like an eternity-or at least five minutes, anyway. My perception of time had become so skewed, it was difficult to say.

"Didn't you hear me?" He said, quietly but severely. "I'm not gonna say I don't care about this happening. I do. But I was one hell of a lot more worried about losing you. So don't throw this at me. I really can't deal with that right now."

"Well, I couldn't deal with not having you here," I sobbed, still feeling like my body was not quite my own. "Please c'mere."

He sat back down right next to me and brushed a few tendrils of hair off my face. "Ah, Ally. This really sucks. I'm sorry, I'm just."

"Yeah, me too." I was still crying. I turned my face into the outer edge of his thigh and continued to cry, and he kept smoothing my hair, rubbing my shoulder, for what seemed like forever and no time at all.

Finally he spoke, running his index finger along my cheek. "Get some sleep. Your fever's back up." He rose from the bed.

"Where're you going?" I demanded sleepily and tearfully.

"I gotta get the kiddies home. Your mom's coming at 10 to pick 'em up."

"Shit! I forgot about her completely! Langly, please, don't tell her I'm here, please don't. I can't deal with her right now."

I was rewarded with an unforgiving look. "Not gonna happen, Ally. She's your mom. If I don't tell her, Miranda will, or Shelby will, and then the shit's gonna fly. And she's gonna want to see you."

"She's gonna kill me!" I sobbed.

He looked at me incredulously. "Ally. You're not even rational right now. Go to sleep. Get the fever down." He kissed me lightly on the forehead. "I'll come back in a while, okay?"

I was asleep again before he left the room.
 

"Allison! What the hell is going on!"

I was awakened by a familiar, grating voice. The voice of my mother. Shit. Langly told her. And now she's hysterical.

"Hello, Mother," I rasped.

"Allison, what happened to you?" She looked angry, frantic, confused. About normal for my mother.

"Didn't Langly tell you? That's all the news there is to print." I closed my eyes again.

"Yes, he told me. You never said anything, Allison! Not a word."

"I didn't know, Mother."

"How could you not have?" she demanded harshly.

I opened my eyes fully now. "Because I've been a little bit busy, Mother, and things have been a little crazy, and I'm really tired, and I want to go back to sleep!" I could feel the tears prick my eyes again.

"Allison, you could have died!"

I blinked dully at her. "Mother, I.didn't know until yesterday. Seriously. Please, don't play Kenneth Starr with me."

"Allison, listen to me." She laid her hand over my one with the IV, and I would have flinched it away had I been able to move. "You're my only daughter. How do you think this makes me feel?"

I gazed at her, not really aware, but not drugged enough to be blissfully unaware. Middle earth. Where the hobbits live.

"Mother. Please take good care of the girls today. I'm really worried about them. And I'll be okay. I promise. Please, just let me go back to sleep, okay?" My head was pounding, my throat was totally raw, and every inch of me ached.

She still seemed distressed, but she'd calmed down some at the mention of the girls.

Langly had cruised back into the room, having gone home to take a shower and change clothes. "She wanted to see you, Ally. Make sure you're okay." He turned to her. "She'll be okay, Eleanor. Take the kiddies out and have fun."

"I'll be back later," she said, putting a hand on my shoulder, which is as much physical contact as I ever permit her. She turned to Langly. "You take good care of you or I will come and personally kill you, slowly and painfully."

He grinned at her. "You mean you wouldn't send one of your hit men friends? I'm flattered, Eleanor." This totally took her off balance, and she didn't quite know how to respond; she settled for shaking her head and exiting as hastily as possible.

The room was quiet again. "Hey," I whispered. "Can I have my glasses? I can't see anything."

"I dunno, Ally. Considering how my hair came out this morning, you might be better off." He sounded more like himself again, and it heartened me. He reached into my locker and searched for my glasses case.

"Ally, d'you ever think about simplifying your life?" he asked as he performed the excavation necessary to unearth any of my wordly possessions.

"No."

"Could you settle for less junk in your purse?"

"No."

"Next time you can find your own glasses, then," he laughed gently as he put them on my face. "How you feeling?"

"Horrible," I groaned. "Leave it to my mother to lift my spirits and comfort me." I blinked; details were becoming clearer again. "You look better like this, babe."

"I warned you about the hair."

I took a longer glance at him. The hair was going in all directions, as if it hadn't been beaten into submission by the blow dryer. "Let me guess. My mother showed up and you hadn't done your hair."

"That would be correct, ma'am." He laughed softly. "Couldn't find something to pull it back with, either. Looks like 'Randa got at all the hair stuff again."

"You could look in my purse."

"I could wash my hair again, and I'd be done sooner."

The door was open, but someone knocked, anyway. I always appreciate a considerate guest.

"C'mon in, guys," Langly called to them. "Frohike and Michael," he alerted me. I should have guessed.

I felt like hell, but seeing the two of them was strangely calming. Frohike bent over to kiss me on the cheek, and Michael reached out and patted my arm.

"My dear, I'm sorry," Frohike said gently. "I just wanted to come by and let you know we were thinking of you. We won't be staying."

"Howya doing, Al'son?" Michael smiled a little-the smile was definitely his father's, and buried beneath that surly exterior beat a heart every bit as sensitive. "Bummer deal. Sorry."

"I'm okay." It was still uncomfortable to talk. "I'm tired, though. I just wanna sleep. I'm sorry."

"My dear, believe me, I understand. I just wanted to see for myself how you were. We'll be going now. Michael? We're going now." He stood up, waiting for Michael to move, tapping his foot lightly.

"Uh-bye, Al'son," he leaned down and quickly kissed me on the forehead.

"Later, dudes," Langly said to the departing figures.

Once again, fade to black.
 
 

I was utterly disoriented as to time, and when I woke again, place as well-it took me several moments to figure out where I was. I was also taken aback when I looked over at the figure in the chair; the hair was close-cropped and red, not flowing and blonde.

"Langly?" I was mildly alarmed-no, make that extremely alarmed.

"Ally, it's all right." The soothing voice of Byers whispered across the room. "I sent him out to get some dinner. I promised him I'd stay with you in the meanwhile."

"It's dinnertime?" I was baffled.

"Way past, actually, at least for people with normal lives." He smiled slightly.

"What time's it?"

"A little after 9. You've been out for hours."

"I'm so tired, John. The world could have passed through here and I'd never have known it." My throat was actually a little less sore, which was a relief, but I was very parched. "Need something to drink."

"And we have just the thing." He grabbed into a paper bag at his feet and pulled out a Canada Dry, still chilled, and a straw. "I stopped at 7-11 on the way. And the world actually did pass through your room this afternoon. You just don't remember."

"Who was here?"

"Your mother came by and brought the girls. Your mother left you some packages, by the way."

"That's nice," I murmured, gratefully sipping the beverage Byers proffered. "Why didn't she wake me up? She always does."

"Because I think your boy would have strangled her had she tried. He makes a pretty good bulldog sometimes." We both grinned at the image of Langly baring teeth and threatening my mother. "It was rather amusing, actually. She brought him a pair of Doc Martens."

That was really off-center and made me laugh a little. "My mother. Brought my fiance a pair of Doc Martens. What'd he say?"

"Fortunately, he did the right thing this time. He thanked her and put them on right away."

"Y'know, I don't even know his shoe size."

"Miranda did."

"Girl always did have an eye for details. I know he's got huge feet, that's about it."

"Size 12 and a half." Leave it to Byers to know the facts of life, both major and trivial. I was feeling left out of the loop here. "Oh, and your mother had a message for you. She said she sent the photographs you requested just before she left Sausalito. I hope that makes sense to you."

"Photographs. Oh yeah." I had a vague recollection of asking her for them, but the reason momentarily escaped me.

"And she said she loves you."

"Oh." For some reason my eyes welled up. Hormones? "Who else came by?"

"Scully and Mulder came by. They didn't have the baby with them, which shocked me-it seems that Mulder is bound to his daughter like a Siamese twin-but they left the pussywillows for you." I blinked my eyes; everything was fuzzy. I asked Byers for my glasses, which he slipped on to my face. I was never going to complain about having only one functioning hand again.
"They said they'll call tomorrow and see how you're feeling before they come by."

"That was really nice." My eyes were definitely watering now.

"And Ellen is out in the mountains, still working, but she called and Langly spoke with her for quite some time. She'll see you when she gets back. You had a visit from Walter Skinner."

"Skinner? AD Skinner?"

"He heard from Mulder. He was worried. He brought the bouquet with the blue accents in it." I found that one as well.

"Sometimes I'm pretty unfair to people, John. Skinner's one of those people."

"Well, it takes time to get to the core of Walter Skinner. He is a decent man, but he's difficult to reach. Let's see-Ellen sent her husband Dave, and he brought you an illicit package-I've hidden it in your locker."

"Let me guess. Ellen made him bring me my pal Jose."

"That would be correct." We both grinned. "I was not in the room, but I was nearby, and he was saying something over you, perhaps a prayer in Hebrew?"

"The language of prayer for Jews." I was starting to have trouble containing the tears now. "That was really kind of him."

"The Frohike clan calls hourly to check up on you. And your boss came by. She brought you the multicoloreds."

"Joanna was here?"

"Yes. In fact, she's at the house right now, taking care of the girls and tending to some cleanup, which, I hate to say, with Langly running the place, it desperately needs." We both grinned.

"Joanna's another one I've been sort of unfair to. I thought she was so lame when I met her."

"She's a very reserved woman. I think it takes time for her to come out of her shell." Byers spoke with the authority of one who was well-acquainted with that character attribute. "But she has a good heart. She's shown a great kindness to Frohike.they seem to have a rapport."

"They've got some shared history."

"Oh. That I didn't know."

"Vietnam." He nodded knowingly. Nothing more was said on that topic.

"They were cooking dinner together when I left.I stopped by the office to pick up some materials to prepare a lecture for Monday."

"That's nice."

"And a person named Sheridan came by. I gather he has some responsibility for your boy in the workplace-I told him he had my sympathy-and he left you the reds and whites over there."

"Langly says you've kind of been through this sort of thing before. Only worse."

He nodded sadly. "Yes."

"I'm sorry. You don't have to stay if this makes you uncomfortable, you know."

He shook his head in the negative. "No. Sometimes the best way to work through your own demons is to help someone expunge theirs. I need to be here, for myself as much as for you."

"And I appreciate it." My eyes were definitely running now. "Could you grab me a tissue?" Instead of grabbing for the Kleenex box, he reached into his pocket and pulled out a very white, linen handkerchief, the kind that are so incredibly soft after they've been washed time and time again. "My dad had a lot of these. He was allergic to tissues, and so he always carried one around. When he died, I kept them. God, that sounds so sick. I blow my nose and I think of my dad." I scrunched up my face to laugh, but the sound didn't quite make it out.

"It's strange what we hold on to when a loved one dies."

"For months after Eric died, I slept with one of his shirts. It had his smell, and it was a comfort for me."

He nodded in acknowledgement, and looked at the ring on his left hand.

"It took me a while to give mine up," I admitted. "And it was funny, when I did it, it was.anticlimactic?" My brain was fogged and groped hopelessly for the right words.

"It's just that one day, I moved them, and that was a big deal for me. And then finally, one day they came off. I don't remember it all that clearly; they just went into the jewelry box, and they'll stay there forever now.

"Y'know, Juliet mentioned something about this."

He looked up sharply.

END OF PART 52