Rating: PG

Summary: Visiting hours...ought to be over by now...but they're not...

Spoilers: Nope.
 

I can't stop crying. I'm crying so hard, I'm coughing my lungs out again.

Langly puts one hand on my back and one on my chest, trying to calm the coughing. Trying to calm me.

He shouldn't be touching me. He's got no right.

I try to pull away, but he just pulls me into him harder. He's a lot bigger than me, and I'm hooked into the drip and the monitors still, and he's got the advantage.

He must crush Ally in bed. Either that, or she gets to be on top.

I like the idea that Ally can control him, but I know better.

She's a total sucker for him.

And so am I. He's such a bastard...

But he's here. Holding me. And he's trembling almost as bad as me.

He rubs my back with those real long fingers he's got. I think he's got the longest fingers of anybody I know. When he's got his hand around Ally's you can't even see hers.

At least he's not doing the crooning thing that my dad does when he's trying to make me feel better. He just keeps me in his arms and rubs my back and braces my chest when I cough.

I'm coughing a lot. And I'm supposed to go home tomorrow.

Jesus, now I'll never get out of here.

I don't think I can stand another day in this place. This has been some of the worst days of my life.

I want to pull away from him. He's totally fucking with my head, and I don't appreciate it.

But he holds on, and finally I hear him. That nasally voice, but real soft, and surprise, kind of soothing. Which is weird, because I think he's got such a whiny voice.

"Michael. Don't be like me."

Like I'd want to?

Well, maybe, in some ways...

"Don't shut us all out, dude. We're here for ya."

I relax, and I sob until I can't cry anymore.
 

I feel real drugged out and spacey. And they've cut off my Demerol, so it's not that.

Besides, if they gave me some Demerol, I wouldn't give a fuck. I just could go off and have weird dreams.

Weird dreams'd be easier than reality right now.

I hope Langly's not crying, too. I don't think I could handle that. I look up at him, and he's just looking out the window. It's starting to snow outside, he's just watching the flakes. No expression on his face. He's still holding on to me.

He looks at me and gives me half a stupid grin. "Jesus fuck, Junior. You ARE a mess."

"Yeah, but I don't look like a fucking drug lord." I pull on his ponytail.

"Hey, keeps it off my face!"

"Figured it was moving south fast enough it wouldn't be a problem."

"That was cold, Junior."

Gotcha.

I'm sitting up now, and he's still got an arm around me, though. He gives me an evil smile.

"Let's see how much you've got left at 37."

"I plan to have all of it."

"Ha. Face reality. I've seen your dad."

"Langly, you really suck, you know that?"

He laughs a little. "Yeah, I do, don't I? I know, I'm a first-rate asshole. Always have been." He turns serious. "I'm trying not to be...it's hard."

"What's so hard about it? You got people that care about you."

He looks at me, hard. "So do you, dude. You just won't recognize it. Easier just to feel sorry for yourself, isn't it?"

"You would know."

"Yeah, I would. I've spent a good chunk of my life doing just that. And it's just so much easier to lock people out. You don't let 'em in, they don't rip your heart out."

"You let Ally in."

He looks kind of sad. "No. I'm trying to let Ally in. Fact is, it's hard for us. We're both kind of emotionally crippled in our own ways."

"Ally's got no excuse. She's had an easy life."

"Yes and no. There's a lot about her you don't know."

"She's a nice lady. You shouldn't be such an asshole to her sometimes."

"I know. But sometimes...man, Ally doesn't like big emotion. And I find sometimes I just gotta push her buttons so she'll at least get mad or something. Show something. Open up and let it out. Like with her mom dying. She's real bummed about it. I know she is. But she won't say shit. Won't let me help her with anything."

"She does, too."

"Well, she tries. We both do. It's all we can do. We keep stuff in out of habit. And it's a lousy habit. I'm trying to break it. It's hard. I guess what I'm saying is, don't do it, dude. Don't be a wimp about it. 'Cause that's what it is. It's being a wimp. I should know." He looks back out the window. "Guess things didn't go so great with Mommie Dearest, did they?"

"I don't even know why he called her."

"'Cause she's your mom. Hey, at least she came. More than mine would have done."

"Her name's not Janet, by chance is it?"

"Nope. Charlotte. Wow. I hadn't even thought of her first name in a long time. It's like she's not even a real person to me now."

"Bet you've never liked a girl named Charlotte, though."

"Don't know that I've met any others."

"I only know two other Janets, and they're both bitches."

"Well, okay, but y'know, maybe you should try and get it together with your mom."

"I don't think so."

"I do think so. And with your sister. Know why, Junior?" His voice gets a little harder. "'Cause someday you're only gonna have your sister, and your mom and dad are gonna be gone. Just like mine are. And you're gonna really feel like you're alone when that happens."

"You're not alone. You've got Joan."

"Yeah, and how many years didn't I have Joanie? I've got her now. Yeah, and it's good I have her, but when I think of how long it was that I didn't try...I could puke. God. We could've saved each other a lot of trouble if we'd tried harder sooner."

"How's she doing?"

"Joanie? She's got me real worried. She's a wreck. Roy's goon squads bug her everywhere. We've got restraining orders all over the place, but they find lots of ways to bug her. She keeps getting skinnier, too. She just looks...bad. And it makes me feel bad, because I think sometimes if she hadn't gotten back to me...well,  maybe..."

"But you've got her. And she likes you. My sister hates me."

"Yeah, but how much difference is there between you and Leslie?"

"Three years."

"Yeah, well, Joanie's 16 years older than me. She's more like a mom to me. Well, she used to be. Now she's more like my big sister. Which is cool. She's the only blood I've got left. My mom and dad, and my brother-"

"Didn't know you had a brother."

"Yep. Scott. Scott would be 49 if he was still hanging around. But he's not. He's gone, too."

"Dead?"

"Yep. Long time ago. When I was 15."

"When'd you lose your dad?"

"When I was 12."

"You get along with him?"

"Yeah, he was okay."

"What's his name?"

"Ian. Wow. It's real weird to have first names attached to my folks. It's like, I think about them, but I think about them like, they're my parents, they're not like real people to me. Not like real people who've got stuff in their lives they care about. Maybe if I was to know them now, they'd be like real adults or something. Which I'm trying to be. With limited success." He's looking kind of down.

"Why'd you say that?"

"'Cause. It's hard. I mean, I've got these two kids, they aren't even mine. But I'm responsible for them. And I have to take care of them. And they don't even like me half the time."

"Miranda's just a spoiled brat."

"Maybe a little. But mostly, it's 'cause I have no idea what I'm doing. How'm I supposed to take care of them? What do they need? I talk about this with your dad."

"What's he say?"

"He's got all the same questions. No answers. Says you got no choice but to muddle through."

"So you're saying my mom and dad didn't have a clue what they were doing when they had us."

"Don't think any of us do. I asked Ally about this one time. She says when she figures it out, I'll be the first to know. She also says don't hold your breath." He laughs a little, but it's kind of weak.

"Guess what I'm saying is, Junior, I used to be a lot worse on my mom and dad, but then I got stuck with kids. And now I've got a clue how hard it is."

"Yeah, but they're not even your kids. Said so yourself."

"I know. Maybe it makes it harder. Or easier. I've got no basis for comparison. Mostly from talking to you dad, I'm thinking it's hard for all of us."

"Well, Miranda's lucky. She's always had adults to take care of her."

"Yeah, she is. Someday she's gonna know that. But she's 15 right now...God, I could strangle that kid sometimes!" He shakes the ponytail. "Don't say that to Ally."

"Why? Ally says she wants to strangle her sometimes too."

This makes him laugh. "Yeah, I know. But it's not the same thing. I mean, Miranda's hers. Conception on, she's known her. That's not gonna happen for me."

"That bug you?"

He shrugs. "Sometimes. But right now, I'm knee deep in the whole parent thing, without a fucking clue in the world what I'm doing. I can't really think about it."

He's lying. He looks real bummed.

But I'm not gonna launch an attack right now. I should, but I won't.

"Least your folks both love you, dude," he says to me.

"Dad does. I think. I'm not sure about Mom."

"I think she does."

"How would you know? You never met her."

"I'm just guessing. I mean, Ally'd never believe Eleanor loved her, but it was so fucking obvious. To everyone but her."

"I met Eleanor. I thought the lady was hell on wheels."

"She was. But she loved her daughter. Just like we all care about you, and you don't even see it."

"Langly, forgive me for this, but it's not too obvious sometimes! I mean, here you are, you say you're here for me and all, but what about all the SHIT you give me?"

He grins. "Hey, I always wanted a little brother to pick on. Now I've got one."

Asshole. He laughs, gives me a hard squeeze. "C'mon, dude, why else would I hassle you? I mean, I've got teenagers in my house! Why'd I bother with you if I didn't give a fuck?"

"Langly, I think you broke a rib, you fuckrag!" He's squeezing me hard, and he's a big guy, and strong.

"Yeah, well, dude, sometimes you gotta hurt somebody to get their attention. Not that I'd know about this, of course-"

"Yeah, you're a liar and a fuckrag now!"

He laughs. "True, true. So what's happening with you and the cutie you've been hanging with? Kelly, that's her name?"

"Kelly called earlier. She wanted to work till close and make some money."

"So you didn't get to see her today. She's a cute little thing. She's hot for you, too."

"You're a fuckrag and a liar and you're deluded."

"Maybe the first two. Definitely not the third. Are you blind, dude?"

"Yeah, without my glasses I am."

"So get a look at stuff. She wants you. I'm telling ya she does."

"Langly, she's my friend. She says it's nice to have somebody to talk to."

"Yeah, right. And she comes to our house at Hanukkah, and she stays with you almost the entire weekend-God, she was here forever on Saturday, and her mom gave her so much shit because she was gonna be late for work-and she calls you tonight 'cause she can't come. Sure, dude. She's just your friend. Riiigghht."

God, I hope he's right.

No. There's no way. Forget it.

If I tried anything with her, she'd scream and run.

But if it was true...

"You want it to be more?" He's looking at me. He's turned the small light on, and he's backlit.

I'm glad I don't blush. "Yeah."

"So? What're you waiting for?"

"I dunno. She wants to be a doctor and she's not into relationships-"

"No, stupid. She's not into relationships with dumb guys. You, my friend, may be a pain in the ass, and blind to boot, but you're not-at least I think you're not-a stupid guy."

"So who went and made you the expert on women?"

"Hey, got the girl, didn't I?" He's got a huge shit-eating grin on his face.

"Yeah. How'd you convince her?"

He looks confused. Shrugs. "Beats the hell out of me. Just lucky."

"No, asshole. What did you DO?"

He's thinking. "Hmm. What did I do? Well, I wanted to like be with her from like five minutes after I met her. But she'd just lost the husband, and she was kind of a mess, and I knew if I tried to jump her bones, she wasn't gonna have any of it. So I just was her bud for a while. Let her get used to me. Let me get used to her. And then it was at Mulder and Scully's wedding, and we had a little bit to drink-and no, I wasn't falling down wasted!-and we were just hanging away from the madding crowd, and like all of a sudden I just wanted to kiss her so bad. And I kept putting it off and putting it off and it got to be like, God, I have to let her know. I've
gotta do it. I really didn't know how she felt about me. I mean, I think she liked me a lot. She never kicked me out or anything, and she'd always talk to me and let me do my laundry at her house and stuff. But kissing her? That was something else. I was real chickenshit about it. But I wanted her so bad. And maybe if I showed her how bad I wanted her, she'd realize she wanted me just as bad. How's that for being self-deluded?"

"Obviously it worked. Can't argue with success."

"But yeah. I just decided, I'm gonna let her know I love her. And not just like her bud. I'm gonna let her know I see her like a woman, and that's the way I want her to be with me. So I kissed her. And you know what?"

"What?"

"She didn't slap me."

"Well, there's a coup!"

"But even better, she kissed me back. And it was like-oh, God. I was just flying."

"Could've been the tequila."

"Could've. But she kissed me again the next day when we were stone-cold sober. And then she kissed me some more. And then she lost her job and she was so wrecked and I felt so bad for her...I really didn't plan on it happening, but I took her to Chesapeake Bay, just so she could calm down and get her head together, and it ended up...well, it ended up-"

"Okay, okay, spare me the details." Besides, I've already read 'em. In Ally's journal. He doesn't know this.

Tee hee.

"Man, I love that girl. She has no idea how much I think. I don't know how she puts up with me sometimes, so she must really love me back."

"I don't know how she puts up with you, either."

"Thanks a lot."

"You said it yourself. You're an asshole."

"Yeah, but I'm trying not to be. I finally have people around me who give a fuck what happens to me. And it took me a long time to see that. I still don't always see it. But you know who was the first person who made me feel like that?"

"Ally?"

"No, you idiot! It was your dad."

"My dad."

"Yeah. He's put up with a lot from me. More than anybody should have to, especially somebody who's not even his own sperm by-product. Your dad's a cool guy. Well, most of the time. Sometimes he just drives me nuts."

"Drives me nuts sometimes, too."

"Yeah, well, he's an old mother hen. Between him and Ally, I could be insane. But you know, when they start to drive me up the walls, I remind myself what it was like without them. And then it's not so bad to have them fussing all over me. I can deal with it."

"Well, Dad's gonna drive me nuts the next few weeks. I just know it. I'll NEVER get out of the apartment!"

"Well, dude, you scared us real good the other night. So cut us some slack and get well, okay? And for yourself, too."

I answer that with a huge coughing spasm.

"Want me to call your nurse to get you something for that?"

"No. I wanna get out of here tomorrow. They give me more meds, I'll probably have to stay longer. Is my dad coming back?"

He shakes the ponytail. "I told him I'd hang here tonight. He's pretty beat. I think he needs the night off. So why don't you-" he fluffs up my pillows and eases me down into them, and covers me up with the blanket, "-get your ass tucked in here, and get some sleep, and your dad'll come back in the morning for you, and soon as Bergman signs your paperwork and they pull the IV out of you, you're history from here. Sound good?"

"Yeah." I am tired. And I really want to go home tomorrow. "You don't mind staying?"

"Nah." He takes off his glasses and settles back in the chair.

"Hey Langly?"

"Yeah."

"I still think you're an asshole."

"Likewise. Get some sleep, Junior."

END OF PART 25