Flucti Flaccisunt, Silescunt Venti, Mollitur Mare
 
 

FROHIKE:

I could kill my son right now.

I really get tired of him openly defying me, not using good judgment, not being careful.

If he'd think beyond his small head once in a while, he might be all right.

But he doesn't. He's become a prisoner of hormones. He doesn't think things out. He simply reacts.

So I'm not surprised when I get to the Langly household that the place is in an uproar. Ally's crying, Langly looks utterly miserable, and Miranda's joining the fray.

Michael will pay for this.

I see Langly at the kitchen table, his face buried in his hands, slumped
over.

I tap him gently on the shoulder.

"Langly...I'm sorry."

"Thanks." He sounds dangerously close to the edge.

Please God, not today. I can't do this today.

"It's a big blow to take all at once."

"Yeah, it is. We're gonna have to tell Junior, too."

"Oh, are we ever."

"He really loves her."

Loves who? What happened? Is this something to do with Kelly?

Oh God, anything but that today. My nerves really are shot to shit.

"Langly, it was my understanding that Michael gave you-"

"Hey, Michael helped me!" Strange reaction.

"With what?" I'm totally puzzled now.

"With Tiny!"

"The dog?"

"Yeah, the dog! Tiny died about half an hour ago."

"Oh. I'm sorry, Langly."

Talk about having two separate conversations.
 

MICHAEL:

Jesus, I got so much to do, and if I don't do it, I'm out on my ass.

There might be forgiveness in the system here, but it doesn't extend to the work.

Dad must still be in the house. I'd go in, but considering how pissed he is at me, maybe I'll just get started out here.

He comes out in a little while. He looks a lot more bummed than pissed off.

"Michael."

"Yeah?" And I'm not in the mood to be lectured, thank you very much!

"It's about the dog."

"Tiny? She's at the vet."

"Tiny had a series of strokes. She died about 45 minutes ago." His voice is real quiet and sad. Dad isn't the most major pet person, but he likes animals okay.

But me? Now I'm a pet person, and this is like more than I can take.

I burst out crying. It's like this hurts so bad...Tiny was my first friend here. She liked me when nobody else did. She was the coolest dog...

And Dad comes over and wraps his arms around me, and just lets me sob into his shoulder.

"She was very old, Michael."

"Yeah, I know." I can barely choke out the words.

Doesn't matter. Tiny was my friend.

This is so bad, it's like your guts hurt to think about it.

And I keep thinking any second now, Dad's gonna let go and tell me to pull it together.

But instead, he just holds me and croons to me. For a long, long time.

Maybe he's a bastard. But he's there when it counts.

That matters.
 

LANGLY:

May 22, 2001

I usually can't wait to get out the door at work. It's like the recess bell rung or something.

Tonight, though, I'm dreading it.

Tiny's in deep freeze, at the vet, and I got to pick her up and bring her home so we can bury her.

Ally and Miranda are totally a mess.   And Junior just went to pieces when he found out.

Michael's a real animal person, and he took this HARD.

Tonight, when we get home, we're going to bury her and have a service for her. Yeah, Ally says Kaddish for the pets.

Me? I'm just tired of death. I'm just waiting for our new baby. Life. Something different. What a concept.

It's hard to move Tiny-she's a huge dog, and frozen stiff, she's not very forgiving. At least she's wrapped in a blanket. I don't think I could look into her eyes, if they're still open. Then I'd break. And I've broken enough lately.

And digging up the ground in northern Virginia-this state is a fucking sheet of rock. At least till you get to tobacco country in the western part of the state.

I'm real surprised when I see that in my backyard, a grave is already dug.

Looks like Michael and Kelly are out there doing it. I was thinking, Ally's out doing this kind of work, I'm gonna freak.

They're out there, and they're all sweaty and hot and dirty. It's a fucking big hole, and it probably took them a real long time.

They have no idea how much I appreciate it.

I tell Junior thanks.

He just sniffs and rubs his nose with his grubby hand.

He looks about eight years old right now.

I gotta go get Ally and Miranda.

They're both here, and Jesse's here, too-big shock there, that kid, I wonder if he's got a fucking home. Ally says he does, and nice parents, too.

He damn better appreciate them.

Byers and Frohike are there, and they come outside when Ally comes out with me. She's composed herself, of course. That's my Ally.

We lay Tiny gently in the ground, Michael and me. Ally starts the soft chant that's the Kaddish.

"Yis-ga-dal v'yis-ka-dash sh'may ra-bo, b'ol-mo dee-v'ro hir-u-say, v'yam-leeh mal-hu-say, b'ha-yay-hon ub-yo-may-hon, uv-ha-yay d'hol bays y is-roy-ayl, ba-a-go-lo u viz'man ko-reev, v'im-ru Omayn."

It scares me because not only is the Hebrew getting familiar, but Ally taught me the translation, and I remember it. "Magnified and sanctified be the great name of God throughout the world which he has created according to His will. May He establish His kingdom during the days of your life and during the life of all of the house of Israel, speedily, yes, soon; and say you, Amen."

Miranda does the response. "Y'hay sh'may ra-bo m'vorah, l'o-lam ul-ol may ol-ma-yo." May His Great name be blessed forever and ever.

Ally: "Yis-bo-rah v'yish-ta-bah, v-yis-po-ar, v'yis-ro-mam, V'yis-na-say, v'yis'ha'dar, v'yis-a-leh, v'yis-ha-lal sh'may d'kud-sho b'rih hu; L'ay-lo min kol bir-ho-so v'shee ro-so, Tush-b'ho-so v'ne-heh-mo-so, da-a-mee-ron b'ol-mo, V'im-ru Omayn, Y'hay sh'lo-mo ra-bo min sh'ma-yo, B'ha-yeem o-lay-nu v'al kol yis-ro-ayl v'im-ru Omayn. O-se sho-lom bim-ro-mov hu ya-a se shol-lom, O-lay nu v'al kol yis-ro-ayl v'im-ru. Omayn."

"Exalted and honored be the name of the Holy One, blessed be He, whose glory transcends, yes, is beyond all blessings and hymns, praises and consolations which are uttered in the world, and say you, Amen. May there be abundant peace from heaven, and life for us and for all Israel, and say you, Amen. May He who established peace in the heavens, grant peace unto us and unto all Israel, and say you, Amen."

This works for Ally. This is the language she relies on when she has nowhere to go. This is her tradition, her comfort.

Where is mine?

I'm not much for the God thing. I see what it did for Joanie, and I'm turned off to the whole business pretty much. But I like the last part of the Kaddish. The part where it says may there be abundant peace from heaven, and life for all of us and for all Israel (Ally claims that in Jewish theology, Israel is symbolic with home, with the kingdom of God, not to be mistaken for the political entity in the Middle East). So it's like a wish for the living. I can respect that.

And say you, Amen. Ally says in Hebrew, it means, so be it. Sort of reminds me of Jean-Luc Piccard saying 'make it so,' and it happens.

Wish it worked that way.

My grip of Hebrew is pretty limited, I learned some for the wedding from Mulder, just so I wouldn't look like a total idiot (Ally was real pleased about that, she rewarded me for it, too). I'm scared that one of the things I know is the prayer for the dead.

Ally says it's not really about the dead. It's about the living, that have to go on without the dead.

I like it that it doesn't talk about sin, and about people being sinful (even if they are pretty stupid sometimes). I don't think I can totally buy that people are all bad.

At least not the people in my yard. I mean, this is a funeral for our family's dog. And yet everyone's here, and nobody's laughing at us.

Hey, everybody DID love Tiny. We're not just saying that like they do at some people's funerals. She was awesome.

She won't be taking up 75 percent of the bed like she used to when she decided to join us.

I'm gonna miss that.

I feel real bad for Junior. He was so attached to her. He's like leaning on his dad and Kelly, and he's real busted about this.

Even when Michael is at his asshole-ish best, he's always good to animals. And little kids.

And Ally knows it, and she asks Michael if he'd throw in the first handful of dirt, which I guess is a custom. He's not Jewish and probably doesn't realize it, but she just showed him a whole lot of respect. And affection.

Miranda tosses in the second handful, Ally the third, me the fourth, Byers the fifth, Jesse the sixth, Kelly the seventh, and the eighth one is Frohike's.

We finish the job of covering Tiny with the earth. Frohike mutters something I don't recognize, but Ally translates it softly in my ear. It's good to have a classicist on hand at times.

"Memento, quia pulvis es et in pulverem revertis. From dust you came, remember, and to dust you will return. I think Frohike's old enough to remember Latin mass."

"I think I like the Jewish version better," I whisper back.

"Well, I do, but that's my tradition."

I try to think of one that came with me.

There is none.

Christ, even Frohike has tradition. Things he can fall back on. Things that help him make sense of the fucking universe.

I'm trying to do this on my own.

I feel totally...adrift.
 

MICHAEL:

I just hurt all over. I mean, I never thought about losing Tiny...not ever.

I can't believe how much this hurts.

I'm totally pathetic.

Kelly and me've been working on this hole in the ground for hours now. My shoulders hurt like hell, my back is killing me.

Nothing compared to the hole in my heart where Tiny used to be.

All the others went inside. Kelly and me sit out back near the spa.

She puts her arm over my shoulder. I need her to not let go.

She's got her hair up and she's kind of grubby, but on her, it's cute.

Particularly in a pair of Daisy Dukes and a crop top.

See, even when I'm wrecked, I still think about this stuff.

I am totally pathetic.

Me, I'm just...filthy. I'm covered with dirt. Dirt that's now covering Tiny.

I want her to just crawl out of the dirt and come running over to me and lick my face and hands and jump all over me.

Which she'll never do again.

"Do you want something to eat? Jo's brought food over," Kelly says quietly.

I shake my head. I don't think my stomach could take it right now.

We just sit for a long time. I'm trying not to cry.

It's damn hard.

Even harder when Jo comes outside.

"I can't stay, I have a support group to run, but I wanted to tell you how sorry I am, Michael."

I try to say thanks, but I can barely choke it out.

"I know you loved her very much. It's very sad."

She goes back inside.

Jo isn't too imaginative, but she's got a way of cutting to the chase. Real quick.

I like that about her.

And I know she's really sorry, and I appreciate that.

Kelly and me just sit on the edge of the spa for a long, long time. She holds me.

I'm sobbing. She just holds me.

Least she knows what I need.
 

Kelly finally brings me some food, but I have a hard time eating it. I'm just not into it tonight.

It's twilight. I see Dad and Langly and the prof all coming outside.

"You guys leaving?" I hear car keys jangling.

"We're going to your house." Langly.

"Oh."

They take off, Dad alone, Langly and the prof in Langly's Corolla.

Going to our house.

Wonder what's going on.

I don't care right now.

Nobody invited me, anyway.

Not that they should have to.   I mean, I live there.

But I don't care. I just wanna be here with Kelly.
 

It's a warm night. We don't talk much, it's just nice to sit here with a light breeze in the quiet.

Kelly's looking at the spa. "Wonder if this thing works."

"Yeah, it does." I know this 'cause Langly and me fixed it, goddammit. No small effort, by the way.

"I'm thinking it might be nice to have a dip in it."

"Don't have my suit."

She gives me this look of major mischief. "Michael, Ally's asleep, Miranda's at Jesse's, everyone else is at your house..."

I see the gears grinding, and for the first time today, I can smile.

"Let's fire this thing up."
 

And oh man, is it great.

I wonder if Ally and Langly ever use this thing au naturel.

Because if they don't, they're missing something great.

It's warm in here, and bubbly, and best of all, Kelly's with me. A stark naked, wet Kelly, sitting right next to me, we're just bobbing in the water.

Talk about relaxation.

This elevates it to an art form.

It's dark and I can't see much, but I can feel every inch of wet Kelly skin.

We duck underwater to get the dirt out of our hair, and I almost forget to lose my eyes-don't want to lose my lenses, Dad's said he won't replace them if I'm careless, and I can't afford the ticket right now.

She's soft and wet and slippery.

She sits down on me, her back to my front, and pretty soon, I'm up inside her.

And I just want this to last. So I make her sit kind of still, while I massage her tits and kiss her neck.

I didn't think it was going to be possible to have anything looking like happy today, let alone bliss.

But it's right here, in the spa at Chateau Langly.

I'm kissing her shoulders, and she's like, that's so nice.

Finally, I can't hold out, and I'm coming with a ferociousness that even scares me. I almost bite the back of her neck when I do.

I love water.

I love Kelly.

What a combination.

Oh yeah.

***********************************************************************

We just stay there for a long time, real spent out.

God, I love this girl.

I mean, I've been such a wreck all day, but she's been nothing but terrific about it.

We're starting to get a little waterlogged here. I can tell my hands are pruning up, and I'm coughing again.

"What's going on at your house?" Kelly asks me.

"I have no idea." Probably watching some skin flick.

"We'd better get you inside."

"Probably a good idea."

"Look, I need to do some laundry. Why don't I toss your stuff in with mine, you can lie on my bed, and we can maybe take this inside?"

I can handle an offer like that.

"Show me the way."

END OF PART 23