Ut Fata Trahunt

MICHAEL:

"I don't like this." Ally's well into her second Bass, and she's drinking slow today. I'm on my third Sam.

"Look, this lady with a little kid just went in-you really think they'd go anywhere where it wasn't safe?"

"Don't make me answer that." Ally's voice is cold.

"Well, do you wanna go over?"

She shakes her little red head. "No. I said we wouldn't. So we won't."

"What...never mind. I think it's cool." Actually, I don't know if it is or not. But Ally's having a bad day. I don't need to make it worse for her.

I wish my dad was here. He'd know what to do.

"So Ally? You gonna go back to Dr. Scully's lab?" I'm just trying to make conversation.

"I plan to...I haven't told her yet what happened. But I'd like to get back...maybe feel a little bit normal. Of course, what's normal anymore?" She laughs and cries a little in the same breath.

"I got no idea. You tell me."

She just giggles. "Wish I could, Michael. But nothing...nothing's been normal since my daughter got Bat Mitzvah'd." She takes a deep breath. "And to think I could've Bar Mitzvah'd this one. Well, it wasn't meant to be, I guess..."

I think it's gonna take a while for her to get over this.

She tosses her ponytail back. "You know what, Michael? I told Langly we'd wait...but I don't think I can anymore...if I'm going to have to lay down another husband, tell me now, so I can be miserable all at once." She laughs, but it's a sick, weak laugh.

"I don't think that's gonna happen, Ally." At least I hope not...don't think I could handle that right now.

"All right. Let's go."
 

"What makes you think they'll let us in?" I don't mean to say it aloud as we cross the street, but it just comes out.

"We'll say we're looking for The Thinker, stupid. And we're with the guy that already went in."

This is not my idea of a great plan, but I don't have an alternative.

This lady with a Spanish-y accent greets us at the door. "Yes? You here for a reading?"

"No, I'm here to see my husband...he's the blonde man with The Thinker." Ally isn't in the mood for any shit.

The lady looks at us real suspicious. "Wait."

Great. Like this is gonna work.
 

LANGLY:

"Say hello to Uncle George...I mean Ringo," Scott tells the little boy who comes in with Krista, who, instead of being large, German and muscular, is this little tiny dark girl about Ally's size.

This little boy is very tall for his age, I think...I mean, I'm not much of a judge of kid size, but I sort of expected him to be smaller. And he's skinny, and his hair's pure white...Christ, he looks just like I used to.

The weirdest part, though, is when the kid opens his mouth. "Don't wanna!"

I believe this was my line at his age...and man, he sounds like me so much, I get prickles on my neck...

Scott's pretty patient with the kid, who's trying to crawl all over him, and you can tell that Scott's not real up for this, but he's trying not to push the kid off him. "Patrick. This is your uncle, and you have to play nice."

"Don't wanna!"

"He didn't want to come home from the park, either," Krista shrugs.

"So what'd you do?" I ask her.

Krista is about Ally's size, but I think she's a pistol. "Picked him up and dragged him kicking and screaming, like I always do."

Kicking and screaming...I think I remember being dragged kicking and screaming...a lot. I remember one time going to my grandma's in Pennsylvania when I was little, and I didn't want to go home...and my dad had to drag me out and physically plop me in the car...and I tried to escape...and Scott was just about sitting on me to keep me from running off. I think I screeched all the way to Baltimore.

Hell, I've been kicking and screaming my whole life. Nothing's changed.

Have fun, kid, I think ruefully.

The kid is cute...but he's a total brat. Krista tells him to come and wash his hands and face, and he gives his stock line again...swear to God, that kid lifted it from me...so Krista picks him up, and he lets out this yell that makes me just about deaf.

If there's a God, he's getting even with me right now.

We get interrupted by one of the ladies downstairs-she says there's somebody at the door, claims to be my wife...

Oh fuck. I TOLD her to wait...

And some short guy.

Great. Junior can't even follow directions.

Scott's gonna have a cow, I think, but he just shrugs, says, well, you might as well, I guess this concerns Ally as well.

"Yeah, well, you want me to take care of your kid, I think it does," I tell him, marveling at his grasp of the obvious.

Scott tells the sister-cousin-distant relative-there's gotta be a hundred people living in this goddamn place, whoever she is-to let 'em in.
 

This is gonna go over REAL well with Ally...particularly since the kid is still shrieking, I think they can hear him in Vegas the way he's carrying on.

She looks tired, but next to Scott, who's hacking his lungs out again, she looks pretty damn good.

Junior just shrugs at me like, hey, not my idea.

"Scott, this is my wife Ally...and Ally...this is my brother Scott."

Ally blinks, hard. "What?!"

"You heard me."

Scott extends one of his skeleton paws to her. "It's true. It's me."

Junior isn't going with the program here..."Wait a minute. You're a dead dude." Leave it to Junior to be tactful.

Not that it counts for much here right now.

"I've been...explaining that to George here."

"I would hope so...I think coming back from the dead after over 20 years might take a little smooth talking," Ally's got her eyes narrowed at him. Then she gets her manners back. "Nice to meet you, Scott. Who's the shriekling?" She's referring to Patrick, still protesting life and everything else.

"More on that in a minute," I'd like to ease her into this.

I got no idea how she's gonna react. I mean, Ally loves kids. But just losing ours, I mean, she might go real off on this...I don't know.

And there's the Miranda thing...oh man, she would just love this.

Then again, Miranda could probably stomp on him pretty good.

Junior is eyeballing my brother hard. "You must be Frohike's kid," Scott says to him.

"How the fuck would you know?" I mean, it's only obvious to everyone he's Frohike's kid...but Junior, well, I think he'd like to think there's hope for him. "I mean, are you..."

"I'm him, the one you contacted about your hacks." Scott launches into more coughing spaz here.

Ally looks concerned. "You sound sick. Are you taking care of that?"

He shakes his head at her. "Not going to go away. That's why I had to get hold of George here."

Ally gives me this look like, great, so we can do another funeral?

Yeah, Ally, we probably are.

"All right...what do you need us to do?" Ally's all business now. She and Junior still look kind of skeptical, though...I don't think they're buying all this.

I'm not sure I am, either. Feel more like I'm just getting carried along with it.

"Well..." Scott begins real slow, but I take over.

"Scott's got this kid, and he wants us to take care of him...when he can't anymore." If this is family, I can't bring myself to say, when he's dead...I just can't do that.

Ally chews on that one. "I see." Now she's like, she gives me this look like, what the fuck did you get us into this time, Langly?

I got no idea, girl.

She's playing along, though, but kind of skeptical like. "So do I get to meet this child?"

Scott grins. "You're hearing him now."

Ally just gives me this look like, oh fuck...I'm too old for this shit...

But she's still younger than Scott, and he's doing it...

"He's really a sweetheart," Scott says kind of lamely.

"I bet," Junior tosses in. He looks at me like, Langly, it's payback time. I think he's smirking.

"He is...he's really smart...and funny...a bit energetic, though..." he looks over and smiles at Ally. "Rather like your husband here was."

"Oh, Christ." She covers her face with her hands.

Oh God. She is gonna read me the riot act when we get home.

Hey, I had no idea before we got here...

Krista brings the kid out, he's a little quieter now, but he sees all the extra people and he's like, he goes to his dad and puts his face against him.

"I don't think he likes strangers," Ally puts forth by way as a way of explanation.

Either that, or he's just a monster.

"He can be shy," Scott agrees, coughing up a storm again. "Um...excuse me...do either of you object to...marijuana?"

Junior and Ally shake their heads...I mean, Jesus, I think they both used to smoke it, I know Junior did, and Ally, well, she went to college...

"He shares," I comment.

I light up another one, and while I'm doing that, Ally asks what the kid's name is.

"Patrick." Scott tells her.

"That's Langly's middle name." Glad she noticed.

"Well, I sure as hell wasn't going to call him Ringo," Scott laughs a little.

"Where's his mom?" Junior's asking this one. At least sometimes Junior asks good questions.

"She...died about a year and a half ago."

"She was at Black Hat," I add.

Ally gets like this look like, oh man, I get it...

She's gonna try and establish a rapport with the kid. And usually, she's real good. She talks real soft, and kids usually respond.

"Patrick, how old are you?"

He doesn't look up.

"He's three, going on four. July 12." Scott answers for him.

Patrick finally looks up, screws up his face at her. "You got funny hair."

She looks at him and says, "Really? Why?"

"It's orange!"

"It's red, it's not orange," she corrects him.

"It's orange!"

"No, it's not," I tell him, but I get this look from the kid like, shut up.

"Whatever, it's orange, but yours is white...I could say you have funny hair, too," Ally smiles at him.

"Do NOT have funny hair!"

She sticks out two fingers to play with his long blonde locks...I bet they haven't cut this kid's hair in ages. "It's nice hair. I like it. Looks like your uncle's."   She points to me.

He's still majorly skeptical of me.

Junior, though, is real good with kids...and he's like, show me your toys. Patrick thinks this is a great idea, and drags Junior by the hand off to check out his wares.

At least he's not shrieking right now.
 

"Looks like Frohike's boy has the touch," Scott comments when we finish doing the dope. I offer Ally some, she's like, she'll pass, but if there's a beer...

I get her one.

"Michael's good with kids. They all glom on to him like flies on shit," Ally comments as she sips her Icehouse.

Lovely analogy.

So we're down to business now. Scott looks like he could pass out any second, I think this was real tiring for him.

"Look...I know it's a lot to ask...but I have made some...financial provisions for him," Scott assures us.

I don't even want to go there. I wonder how many salami slices he took off how many corporations.

"I'm not worried about the money." That would be Ally, she never worries about the money, not since Mama Eleanor left her a tidy sum. I get real annoyed, I don't think she gets it that if she keeps handing it out, it's not gonna last. Trying to explain to her that I'd like to be the first Langly not to die broke and miserable doesn't seem to impress her. "But why us?"

"Well...you're family. And I'd like him to be raised by family."

"What about the people you live with?"

He shakes his head. "Haven't been with them very long...I've been...mostly living abroad most of these years, Ally."

She winces when he uses her nickname. I think she feels like maybe he shouldn't...but I don't think she's gonna stand on ceremony right now.

"You know we have a 15-year-old daughter," Ally reminds him.

Who is NOT gonna be happy about this.

Scott nods. "I know. She was really pretty in the wedding photos..." we posted 'em on the web for the twenty or so people on the planet that couldn't make it.

"And I'm going to grad school in the fall."

She's still gonna do it. I was sort of hoping she'd change her mind...but I guess now...

"Well, most mothers do work," Scott nods.

"No, all mothers work, some of us just do it outside our homes," Ally kind of retorts. "Does that change your mind?"

"No...I mean, you guys, you'll be able to get good day care and all..." Hey, it's not as if Scott has nobody else helping him out with this kid. "I've usually had a nanny for him...and Tricky did, too...but he probably needs to be with some kids his own age..."

"I think that would be a good idea," Ally tells him.

"So what's the deal, then?" I'd like to move this part along.

"You agree to adopt him."

Ally looks at me, and I look at her...

"He doesn't seem...to be enthusiastic about us," Ally tells him. Understatement. She's good at that.

Scott shakes his head. "Not his choice."

"I think Langly and I need to discuss this," she tells him.

"That's cool. I was sort of hoping, though..."

"What?" I interrupt him.

"Well, Krista's going to Mexico for a few days...and I'm not feeling so great...could you maybe take him, get to know him a little?"

Oh Jesus fuck. I got a ton of work to do, Ally's sick, Juliet just got hurt...

"And then what?" Ally asks him, crisply.

"Then...you decide." Scott shrugs. "You guys, you wouldn't mind taking him soon...I'm so tired...

I'm opening my mouth to say something, but Ally beats me to the punch.

"Okay. We'll try it."

She's insane. She's in no shape to take care of this kid right now...

Next thing I know, we're packing up his gear.
 

Patrick does not want to leave his dad. This whole thing is pissing him off.

How many days is Krista in Mexico for, I wonder?

We're real lucky Junior is with us. Junior promises when we get to our place, they can go play on the computer. This calms the little shrieker down some.

How much gear does a three-year-old need for a few days? Jesus. We filled the entire fucking trunk of the Corolla.

At first, the little monster is yapping our ears off, really Junior's ears off, but he settles down and passes out a few minutes into the trip. How do you spell relief?
 

MICHAEL:

He's a cute kid, that's for sure. Even if he is dead on for Langly.

Acts like him, too.

The idea of Langly getting paid back is just too fun for me. I can't help but giggle.

Ally's tired and not doing so great. "What's so funny?" Her voice is real sharp.

I'm sort of embarrassed, but not too much. "Nothing. Least he's asleep."

"Thank God." Langly's like, Christ, what the fuck did I get into. "Ally, one thing I wanna do while we have this kid...I wanna make sure I'm really related to him."

Ally gives him this nasty look. "Is that what this is all about, Langly? I mean, I think there are other things at stake here-"

"Hey, I'm not saying it's the only thing, I just wanna know! Something wrong with that?"

She just sort of rolls her eyes. "Fine. I'll talk to Dana. We can do a saliva swab these days, so at least I won't lose my hearing because they'd have to do a blood draw on him."

I'm looking at the sleeping kid. He looks like an angel when his mouth's not flapping.

"He is going to be a tough one," Ally shakes her head and looks tired.

"Maybe he'll be less of a brat at our house," Langly sounds like, God, I hope so.

Ally just laughs at that one. "Langly, I get the impression this kid is your doppelganger...and if so, he will not be less of a brat ANYWHERE."

"Thanks for the vote of confidence, Ally." Langly's tired too, he's real sarcastic right now. I really hope they don't start fighting.

Ally just grins. "You're welcome." Then she settles back and falls asleep.

We're on the bridge when I ask Langly, "So? What'd you think of The Thinker?" I'm like, I can't wait to hear this one...

He just sighs, big time. "Junior...well, let's just say, this afternoon didn't exactly go like I thought it would."

"Yeah, that's probably true."

"Yeah. I thought the only thing I had to worry about was getting my head blown off."

It's not funny...but it is.

I chuckle to myself as I hold the sleeping Patrick.

END OF PART 43