Veritas aut Audeatem
 

Kelly brings ice, this is good. I need it. I lean it against one cheek, then against the other when one side gets too cold.

"Y'know, Kel," I tell her-and it's getting painful to talk-"all the times in the beginning I wanted more-y'know, more time, more...well, you know...you didn't want it. And I just sort of went with it."

She gives me a clear, hard blue gaze. "Well, you should've said something."

"For what? So you could scream and run?"

"I wouldn't have screamed and ran."

"Sure. I mean, Kel, it was like, I fell in love with you like that first night we were on the astronomy field trip...and I was too scared to ask you out or anything."

She is so cruel. She laughs.

"Well, I didn't know you then."

"Would you have gone out with me if I'd asked you back then?"

She shakes her head. "Probably not."

Truth hurts. Lie to me a little, would you, for Christ's sake?

"I'm really trying to focus, Michael...I have to get into med school. I have to. It's the most important thing in the world to me."

"More important than me?" I shouldn't have asked that.

"No!" She's getting hissy now. "You can't compare the two...God, Michael, this is what I was afraid of...I'd get involved with someone, and then I'd want to spend time with them..."

"So you're afraid of losing your focus, huh? Hey, Kel. I've tried EVERY way I can to help you!"

This makes her think. "Yeah, you do. You help me with my homework...you tutor me...you let me study..."

"So I fuck up one time. One time!"

She shakes her head. "Michael, you're always so busy, I feel like you have no time for me!"

"Kelly, I do have time for you...I make as much time as I can...and by the way, which one of us is going to med school? You think I'll get to see you as much as I'd like when you're there? Or when you're in training? Bergman says you'll be gone all the time. And you know what, Kel? I'm not gonna hassle you about it. So don't hassle me when I got things to do!"

She gnaws on that for a while. Good. She needs to.

"Sometimes I worry...we'll never have enough time for each other." She looks sad.

"Sometimes it's hard."

She looks at me and gives me kind of a sad smile. "But at least you always support me, Michael...and I don't know how to deal with that...I never had anybody to support me. I always had to fight...and now when I don't have to fight someone, I have no idea what to do! It's so weird! I couldn't believe when I came here, how nice everyone was, and how much they supported me and didn't think I was stupid for believing I could do it...and I don't even know why."

"What the fuck does it matter why? They think you're smart. They like you. What's so weird about that?"

Christ. A year ago, I was thinking the same fucking thing. What am I saying?

"You can do it, Kelly. I know you can."

She puts her arms around my waist. "Thanks. I love you, Michael."

And in spite of the pain in my face, I end up falling into her embrace, and then into her mouth...

God, I love her so much.

When we separate mouths, I tell her, "I got a speeding ticket tonight."

She looks sort of horrified.

"Where?"

"On the Beltway...I was racing home when I realized how late I was, and I didn't want you to be mad, and I knew you were gonna be..."

She giggles. Giggles, for Christ's sake!

"Michael, that is sooo romantic!"

I do not understand women.

But I willingly give in to her, and her skin, and her mouth, and her secret places...it seems like only when I'm in her, I'm all there. Her warm velvet place that's all hot and wet and waiting for me...I am like, I need you so bad Kelly please love me don't let go please love me always Kelly Kelly Kelly...

My face hurts, I can't suck her tits like I usually do, but the little motions I can make with my mouth seem to drive her wild...God, I love the way she looks for me...

I love everything she does.

Well, almost everything. Can't say I like being bitched at.

But when she takes me in her mouth...and then, just the way she rolls on a condom, it's so sweet, I can barely stand it...

But get me to the holy of holies first. God, let me in her, so I can feel whole again.

Like a human.
 

FROHIKE:

This certainly qualified as a long day.

I want nothing more than to have a couple fingers of J&B, watch some dreadful television, and fall into bed.

Except that I won't be able to sleep. I can feel it coming on.

And where is my son? It's after midnight.

I know, I sound so terribly Victorian...I think in my heart of hearts, I must be.

Of course, in the Victorian era, smut had a run like never before.

I check out to see if there are any new downloads. One.

A redhead. Oh. My. God.

She is so hot. Goes by the name of 'Copperhead.'

A poisonous snake. But, oh, so lovely...she is absolutely stacked. Beautiful breasts.

I barely notice when the door opens, but I am jolted back into RL when I hear a quiet, slightly mournful, "Dad?"

"Well, look what the cat dragged in."

"Very funny, Dad."

He looks exhausted. Please don't let him get sick again. Things are just too crazy right now.

He sits down on the space on the sofa that's not covered by stuff. I can't describe it better than that. It's collective stuff, and I suspect both of us are responsible.

Like his father before him, he is a pack rat.

This is damn near fatal in an apartment this size.

"Long day." I comment to him.

"Yeah." He closes his eyes and leans back. "Uh...Dad?"

I don't like the look on his face, or the catch in his voice. This usually means he's about to give me bad news.

I don't need any more bad news tonight, thank you.

"Uh...I got...I got a speeding ticket tonight."

Well, he isn't the first male to get one.

"How fast were you going?"

"88. In a 55 mile zone."

Oh wonderful. Under Virginia law, that's...

A 200 dollar fine!

Jesus fucking Christ.

"Michael, what the hell were you doing driving that fast?" I am both worried and irritated, and it's not treating my ulcer kindly.

"I forgot I was supposed to meet Kelly at 6...and it was like 8:30..."

"And you left without saying goodbye to anyone." Sometimes his poor manners are an embarrassment to me.

"Jesus, Dad! I spent the day with three screaming brats-"

"Which I hope will remind you to be careful with your young lady!" This comes out harsher than I'd anticipated.

He gives me this look like, you have no idea.

Good. A little reality therapy never hurt the boy.

"And just how were you proposing to pay this fine?" I know he's short on money.

This gets his hackles up. "For your 411, Dad, who put out the last two issues of TMB, without much in the way of help from any of you guys? Huh? And by the way, I haven't gotten paid yet for it, either! In fact, nobody even says thank you or go to hell or anything..."

He's right, of course. I am chastened by this. I momentarily forgot, in the midst of my own worries, about how much he's done for all of us lately.

About how much he's grown up and taken on.

Which is a strange counterpoint to the tired, woebegone figure on the sofa. He looks about ten, save for the beard growth.

"Dad? I don't feel so good." The voice is small, rather helpless.

Shit.

"My jaws hurt."

"Maybe you should see a dentist."

"Remember, I traded Mulder a dental appointment for watching the kiddies."

True, a rather unconventional payment arrangement...but now he has me worried.

I touch the sides of his face, and he winces in pain. The cheeks are tender near the ears, and a little bit puffy.

Wisdom teeth. I remember the misery of my own. I had them out during basic training, and I thought I was going to die. It was a horrible experience.

Of course, as a diagnostician, my skills aren't up to par, but I remember going through the same thing...culminating in the most horrible experience I've ever had in terms of treatment.

Then again, I was treated in the military...and this was 35 years ago...things have to have improved.

And I don't want to scare the boy.

He opens those beautiful green eyes and looks at me pleadingly. "Can you rub my back?" His voice is small, almost embarrassed.

In spite of my irritation at his bad judgment involving road behavior, I feel sorry for him. I feel a lot of things for him. Irritation, anger, pride, concern...

All in the day of a father's life.

I ruffle his hair a little.

"Go get ready for bed. I'll be in."
 

MICHAEL:

I'm beat...and I hurt...and nobody appreciates me...

I crawl into bed. It's a warm night, I don't have much on.

I'm thinking Dad will forget, get back involved with the download he was fooling around with when I came in...he thinks I don't know, but I do...I know damn well what he was up to when I got home.

I'm feeling pretty sorry for myself when I feel familiar hands making small circles on my back. He's quiet at first, but then he starts singing to me...crooning to me like he's done a million times before...like I did with Patrick...

I wonder if his dad did this for him.

The little circles calm me down, I start sinking down to sleep. I need sleep so bad.

I'm almost out of it, when I feel him hug me.

And hear him say he loves me.

I sleep.
 

LANGLY:

Christ, this is unreal.

I thought things were supposed to get better.

I feel so trashed. It's like, every time I turn around, it just gets harder.

Where the hell is my boss? What the hell happened to my brother? Sheridan, I owe you. Joanie, I miss you. Patrick...

I got no idea what the hell to do with you.

Same for Miranda. We got treated to the riot act tonight. Okay, so we forgot to call her...it's not like she's home all that often. So like what the hell is her problem?

Ally's coming in. She's got her contacts out, put her glasses on, and she's wearing my Korn T-shirt. It looks cute on her, but I was kind of hoping to wear it tomorrow. Particularly since we're kind of low on laundry and she hasn't done any...

I know what she'll say...do a load, Langly. It won't kill you. Or assail your manhood.

I know...but she does it so much better. And she knows I hate housework.

I bitched about this to her, and she just gives me this look like, you think I love it?

No...but at least you're not useless at it.

"Langly." Her voice is soft, tired. She looks about Miranda's age in her glasses and my T-shirt with her hair up in a clip.

She had a long day...and she shouldn't have to go through this kind of shit.

She's been through a lot already.

Maybe she'll change her mind, decide that taking care of us is work enough.

It ought to be.

"What's up?" I'm lying in bed, it's hot out tonight, we got the windows all open. There's a little bit of breeze, but mostly, it's just heat.

"I think we should offer to pay Kelly to watch Patrick."

"Hey, we let her live rent free...why should we pay her?"

She gives me this look like I'm insane. "Langly...watching Patrick, that should get hazard pay."

She has a point. He cried tonight. He wanted his dad. And Michael says he was crabby all day.

"And she's unemployed right now."

"Uh-huh." I know what this means.

It means, Ally, being Ally, is determined she'll get up tomorrow and do it again.

I don't wanna see her going through all that.

"Langly? What's your take?"

Huh? What's my take?

Give it up, Ally. We need you here. I need you.

"Whatever," I say to her.

Yeah, we are the king and queen of romance here.
 

I'm not asleep. She's not asleep.

I just don't feel like talking. I'm kind of talked out. And it's been a real lousy day.

Plus I had to suck up to Frohike. That was the worst. And in front of everybody.

And I couldn't do the hack. That was like so humiliating.

I'm sorry, I need a little peace in my world.

I need my wife to be there. Not off in the world of stats and DNA and protein synthesis.

She rolls over towards me. "What's wrong, babe?"

Voice is tender, but does she really want to know?

Besides, if I tell her, she'll just probably say, it's not negotiable, go to sleep.

Or she'll get pissed.

Great choice here.

Tough. I'm miserable, and I'm tired of it.

"Ally..." this is hard.

"Yeah?" She starts playing with my hair, which normally I'd really like...but right now, it's just distracting me.

"Ally, I wish you weren't working in Scully's lab...this isn't working...I need you here...the kiddies need you here...don't you see?"

There. Now she knows I'm a total Neanderthal.

Hell. She wanted to hear it.

She doesn't say anything for a while. "Langly...I need to do this."

"For what, Ally?" I snap on the lights. Hell, she's gonna look at me and say this.

She shakes her head. "I don't know...I just..."

"What? So you can prove you're as smart as anyone? That you're not stupid? Christ, Ally, I know you're not stupid!"

"Well, it's not as if I have nearly the education anyone else here has!" Myopic as I am, I can still see the telltale sign in her eyes.

They're wet.

Oh shit. She's gonna cry.

"It's not just that," she rubs her hand across her nose. She's so pale, she starts to cry, her nose turns all red.

"Then what the hell is it, Ally? What're you trying to prove?"

"I'm not trying to prove anything!" She's sniffing now. I can see her breathing hard, like she always does when she's gonna cry and doesn't want to.

"Yeah? Then tell me what it is!" I don't like how harsh I sound with her, but hell, I want to know the score here.

"I...I miss our baby," and she breaks.

Oh Christ.

She thinks she's the only one?

I mean, what with all that's going on...I really haven't had time to think about it all that much. And that's good. If I think about it, I get bummed.

I can feel myself getting bummed right now.

"Langly, if I'm here, I think about it...and I don't want to." She's gulping in air. She doesn't want to cry. She's determined not to cry.

I reach out and touch her pretty peach-colored hair. If she only knew how pretty she is...

But right now her face is all crunched up with crying.

"And I don't feel the same way about Patrick that I would about our own," she seems like she's ashamed of this.

Why?

I mean, she doesn't know Patrick all that well. He's not particularly into her.

Christ, we don't even know if he's related to me yet. I think he is...but that could all change.

But still, he's just a kid...and he needs us...and we got to take care of him.

And Ally doesn't love him.   And she's all bummed about it.

"Hey, I think he's a brat sometimes, too."

"It's not that." She's having a hard time fighting the sobs. "It just...it just makes me wish...Jesus, Langly! I wasn't even sure I wanted this baby when I agreed to it... and then...now..."

"Maybe you got to get to know him. Maybe he has to get to know you."

"Maybe." She sniffs. "It's like, Miranda's always telling me what a bitch I am, that I don't care about her, that I only care about everyone else-"

"Yeah, and Miranda's 15, and face it, Ally, she's a little on the spoiled side."

She glares at me.

"Hey, I love her, Ally. I really do. But Jesus...minute she's not the center of attention, she freaks."

"She's a good kid, Langly."

"Yeah, she is. But you know...sometimes she's a brat, too."

This makes her giggle a little, but she's still crying.

"Think it's easy for me to love a kid that's not mine?" I ask her.

She wipes her eyes. "Guess I always thought...I don't know. I know you try hard with her...I appreciate it...but...this is sick, Langly, but I'm kind of pissed off about the whole thing in a way, you know?"

Actually, I do, Ally. You'd be surprised. Believe it or not, having your daughter around has given me some insights into how complicated it is to have people around...even when you care about them.

Especially when you care about them.

"So what do you want from me, Langly?" She's snuffling back her tears, and her eyes are fixed and steady on me. Very blue.

She is so tired.

But this might be my only chance.

I hesitate. This is gonna be hard.

"I'm going to grad school in the fall, Langly." She's calmer now.

"Okay." I nod.

"I have to do something, Langly...my family doesn't do nothing, you know."

"Ally...I just want...okay, shoot me for saying this, but you asked what I wanted. Here it is. I want you to take some time off, hang with the kiddies, take  care of me. Get life back on track around here. It's crazy all the time. I can't take it."

She looks at me levelly. "That's what you want."

Truth? "Yeah, I do."

She sucks in a hard breath. She doesn't say anything for a while.

"I don't know, Langly. I'll sleep on it."

Guess that's the best I'm gonna get right now.
 

END OF PART 58