"I have no further spells to work against you.
But what I shall devise, and what I tell you,
Will be the same as if your need were mine."

"The Odyssey," Fitzgerald Translation. Book 5, Lines 198-200.
Used without permission.
 

MICHAEL:

It's so quiet here...it's almost bizarre. Chateau Langly is almost never quiet. Even without many people, they've always got the TV and the stereo going on. Not now.

I'm not sure I can get used to this much quiet.

Ally and Langly have a large video collection, and we feel like popping something in. Kind of a pain to find stuff, they don't keep it alphabetized like Dad does.

Kelly finds 'Shakespeare in Love,' which is a surprise-I figured Ally and Langly didn't own anything that didn't have shootings and car chases in it, or didn't star cartoon characters. They both love animation, which is cool, and action adventure, well, I can get behind it, definitely, if it's good action adventure. Ally and Langly, however, don't let themselves be confined by such little things as taste.

Maybe it's Miranda's-she has a little more taste than Mom or stepdad (which, okay, isn't saying much). But she usually goes in for old stuff. Miranda loves Marilyn Monroe. I could see that. Marilyn Monroe was a fox. And the thing I like about her, she looks like a real woman, not like some of the anorexic stick figures they have passing for actresses these days. I remember heroin chic from the early 90s. Whoever brought it back should be shot. Only difference was, I didn't know they called it heroin chic till Miranda told me. Miranda is anxious to see everybody educated about fashion. She thinks bad clothes are a capital crime.

Good thing she likes my dad, or she'd have had him shot long ago. He's about the worst violator of bad fashion there is.

Maybe he does need a woman around.

Nah, scratch that. Mom said he was a fashion victim even when she was married to him. Course, he didn't have that godawful yellow hat from Kings Dominion in those days. I'm not sure about the alpaca vest. It looks like it dates back to the dinosaurs, which is about when he was young.

Lately he's gotten into leather. Aargh! He came home the other day, he'd found these leather pants-actually, they were vinyl, which is even worse. I asked him why. He said because they fit.

Other kids don't have these problems. I'm sure of it. Miranda has no right to bitch about the bands Langly's shirts feature, which she considers to be a major embarrassment. I think he wears those shirts just to annoy her. They'll do that to each other. Just do stuff to get on each other's nerves. Besides, what's wrong with Korn, Screaming Blue Messiahs, Naked Aggression, the Ramones, Sex Pistols, Bone Daddies, DOA...she has no clue what she's talking about. I think she thinks the Dead Kennedys one is okay because I've seen her wearing it around the house, usually about the time he wants to wear it. Then they get in this argument, he tells her not to steal his stuff anymore, and it's over...for about 24 hours, give or take.

Sometimes I think those two argue for diversion more than blood. It gives them a basis for their relationship.

Unlike Kelly and me. I'd have to say the basis for our relationship is friendship and really great sex. I remember one time, Ally was kind of drunk (not unusual on the weekends) and she was saying she thought sex was a great basis for a relationship, and anyone who thinks that's shallow just has lousy sex. Then she and Langly disappeared about five minutes later.

Proof enough for me.

I used to get real annoyed at them when they'd come out later and they'd all be grinning like two cats that ate a flock of canaries. I don't anymore.

Now I know. I feel the same way.

And I'm ready to do it again.
 

Ally and Langly have a VCR in their bedroom (hell, they have them all over the house), so we get to enjoy both TV and their bed. Byers and Juliet, they've got a bigger and better one, but hey, it's a queen, and it's comfortable enough. It's real funny when you come in here in the winter time. Ally's side's got about fifteen blankets on it, Langly's got it down to like one blanket or just the sheet. They've got a heavy temperature differential going on here.

I haven't slept with Kelly all that many times when it's been cold, but at the shore, I noticed she was lots colder than me and wanted a lot more covers. What is it about women that they get cold like that? Particularly when you're roasting.

I remember Langly coming in to the office one morning, and he was bitching that he'd ended up with about a quarter-inch of the bed left. Seems that Ally gets cold, she snuggles up to him, Langly gets hot, he rolls over, she gets cold again, she cuddles back up to him, he starts frying out, she gets cold...I thought he was kidding.

Then I slept with Kelly a few times. And reality clicked in.

I guess there's compatibility in the sack, and then there's compatibility in the sack.

But when we're not sleeping, it doesn't get any better. No arguments about who's hot or cold there...

We're both definitely overheated.

The Bard is just going to have to wait.
 

This is so damn nice. No need to rush, to worry about someone banging on the door, about who might be listening at the door (yeah, it does happen!), and we're kind of sleepy from having so much dinner, so we get to move real nice and slow.

Sometimes you just want it quick and dirty. Sometimes you don't get a choice. Like if I know my dad's gonna be home soon, and me and Kelly are over there, we have to make a run for it. I mean, don't get me wrong, the quickies are great fun. And sometimes we just do it fast because we're so damn horny we can't wait. Lots of times, though, it's because we have privacy problems, damn near everywhere we go.

Not tonight!

We both like candle light. And Chateau Langly has about a bazillion candles. We don't even have to hit the dining room to find them, they've already got like four in here. And a torch.

Guess we're not the only ones. These all kind of smell like vanilla and cinnamon, and I like both. I can't do heavy flowers, they drive my nose crazy, but these, they smell like cookies, and that's very cool.

Okay, so the accommodations here aren't what you get at Byers and Juliet's. The sheets aren't 400-count, there's only four pillows, no massage oil (I did see some baby lotion on Langly's side, though), no condoms (don't think they've ever used anything with each other). And it's a queen instead of a  California king. But it's a nice room. It's got a door that locks. And
nobody to stand on the other side of it.

Works for me. Besides, as for condoms, I always bring my own. Even if they really belong to Byers or Mulder. (Yeah, I lifted a few from him, last time I babysat. We got a kick out of them, because they had zebra stripes on some and leopard spots on the others. Wonder who buys them).

It's sort of fun, we go through the stash and decide which one we'll use. The prof is definitely a connoisseur of condoms (I think I spelled that right). I mean, you look at the prof, you think, basic beige, right?

Guess again, sucker!

If what's in the bag he gave me is any indication, he and the J have a...well, very interesting sex life. This cracks Kelly and me up. I mean, they say you have to look out for the quiet ones.

Wonder if they ever videotape themselves.

Nah, no way. Prof blushes when you even say the word 'sex.'

And no way would I do it with us, I mean, I'd videotape naked Kelly, but I'm afraid if I saw how I looked doing the deed, I could never keep a straight face again. And God help me if anyone ever got hold of the tape. Aargh! Can you imagine my dad?

He'd have another heart attack, and this would probably make him fall down dead.

Nope. Don't need that. He may be a hemorrhoid, but he's my hemorrhoid. Know what I mean?

Langly and Ally, I know what they do. I've read Ally's journals. I hope she's still writing, except for maybe the sex part. It's really more than I need to know, thank you very much. I think it's sort of funny, he and Ally seem like they're way more off the wall than Byers and Juliet, but you read Ally's stuff, it's like about as conventional as it gets. Nothing wrong with that-Kel and me, we aren't kinky or anything, but I just think it's weird how people are different than you think they are.

This is so great. Peace and quiet, except for the music, which we have down kind of low. Ally and Langly have a collection of sex tapes with all kinds of music on them, it's usually real good stuff. Listening to the Silencers right now (one of Ally's bands). Not that the mood here needs enhancing, but it just adds something a little nicer.

We start out kissing, first real light, right on the lips. Real gentle. Kelly's lips are soft and full. I love them. First kisses are like feathers dropping on us.

Kelly moves down to my neck, kisses me in the hollow places and the prominent ones. Then she kind of gently bites down, and this drives me nuts. I'm gonna have a hell of a bruise tomorrow, and my dad is gonna give me every kind of dirty look, but I don't care. She can chew my entire neck off if it's gonna feel this good.

I can feel her move her hands under my shirt. She runs her fingers along the small of my back. She knows this drives me crazy, and she's taking full advantage of me. She runs her fingers along the waistband of my shorts, and this gesture is like a big tease. I love it.

I press my weight on her, and this makes her give this little sigh that I just love. I bet she's getting damp now.

And it still amazes me that I can do this to her. And that she wants to do it with me.

I can feel her tits press against my chest, and her nipples are getting real hard. I think we've got way too many clothes on here. I pull my T-shirt over my head, and she watches me, her eyes all big and glassy, her mouth a little bit open. Then she runs her fingers through the hair on my chest, which she says she likes because it's real silky. Me, I don't know, it's not like I've ever checked out anyone else's, but I'm glad she likes it, because it feels damn good when she's touching me.

I'm real glad she's got a shirt on tonight that you can open the buttons in the front. This makes my life so much easier. She has a front-hook bra on, this is gonna be awesome.

Score! She does. This means I get to open her up like a Christmas present. And it's such a treat. Even if I know what's inside, it's still like always such a nice surprise. I start with the bottom of the shirt, so first thing I see, it's her belly button, which is so cute. I lean over and kiss her there, and she gives another little sigh...more buttons. I move up her chest to her ribs, and she's like almost moaning now. And so am I . Great thing is tonight, we don't have to worry about being quiet, it's just us and
the cats, and if the cats don't like it, tough.

I get up to the top button and I let her shirt fall open. I kiss the tops of her tits, and she starts moving under me. Then I unhook her bra, and it's like better than a Christmas present. Soft white skin and darkened hard nipples, this is bliss.

Okay, I admit, I really didn't need to know about Ally and Langly's sex life, but I remember in her journal she says he makes these real soft biting motions and it drives her insane. I wonder if it would work on Kelly.

It does. Those little moans are getting me hotter and harder by the second. I do this till I get a really good girlie scream out of her.

Girls are so lucky. It's like you can get off all night if you want. Guys? One shot, it's over.

We have to conserve.

More clothes fall by the side of the bed, and pretty soon, just skin on skin...this is so awesome.

God, she is gorgeous without clothes. She's gorgeous with clothes, but without...oh man...I could come right now, but I want it to last.

She lowers her mouth on to me...I'm floating, I'm falling, I don't care. This is too incredible.

I beg her to stop.

"Don't wanna come yet," I can barely talk, but she understands, she stops and we lie facing each other, just holding the other one as close as you can without getting inside the other person.

She wraps her hands around my ass, and I'm like, I died and went to heaven.

I want her. I want her so bad.

Tonight we don't sort through the magic bag of tricks. I just grab the one that's closest that I brought. I don't care what color it is or what if it's got nubby things on it...

Just wanna get inside her. Now.

She opens it up, rolls it on me. Her hands are so tender. Just having her touch me, I feel a little bit of liquid escape. But thank God, not all.

I move inside her. She's not so tight anymore, but tight enough that I can feel everything wrapping around me. For a while, we just lie like that. Amazing.

I want something a little different. I flip her on her stomach, and she lets me. We've only done it once this way, but I remember she had a mind-blowing come. She wasn't the only one.

I'm in her, and I don't want out.

We try not to move too much. So we can make it last. But I can't stand it anymore. A small thrust, then another, they keep getting harder and harder...

I'm so glad no one's here and that the neighbors aren't close by, or we'd get arrested for disturbing the peace. Both of us cry out in this way that's like we're so happy it almost hurts. Both of us come wicked hard.

This is so great.

I could stay like this, but once you're spent and you're using rubbers, well, you better pull out or you could have problems. So, reluctantly, I do...

Oh shit. I hope I'm not seeing what I think I am.

And I've got my lenses in, so it's not like I'm blind or anything.

Kelly sees it too. We're both like, OH SHIT.

The condom broke. Instead of getting myself all inside the condom, I got
myself all inside of Kelly.

Oh man. Talk about unfair. Talk about rude.

Talk about downright fucking scary.

Oh man.

What's really weird is how scared Kelly is. She told me only like a couple weeks ago she'd really like to have a baby...but now that it's a real possibility, she's looking mighty freaked.

She's not the only one.

"Kel, how many days in your cycle are you?" Not exactly the most romantic thing you can say to your girlfriend after she just gave you some of the most mind-blowing sex you've ever had.

She thinks. "I think...let me see...this is the 23rd...I started on August 4...I'm 19 days in."

"So you think you're okay?"

She looks at me, her face looks real scared. "I think so. But it's kind of close to call. If it was like 25 days, I'd be more sure...I think...19 days is still...I don't get it the same number of days apart each month, I have a range, but I don't know when I ovulated..."

Oh Christ. This is not what we need tonight.

I hold her close to me, even as I feel myself get dizzy. And it's not the good kind of dizzy you get when you've just made love and it was fantastic. This is scared out of your mind dizzy.

Stay calm, Frohike. You don't know anything went wrong. Chances are it didn't. I think I read it's about 14 days in that women ovulate...of course, not all women are the same...oh shit...

"Michael. I'm scared." She snuggles into me.

Me, too. But I don't tell her that. I want her to feel like it's gonna be okay.

I'd like to convince myself of this, too, while I'm at it.

This couldn't come at a crummier time. You can't get an abortion anywhere these days. Hasn't been outlawed federally, but just try getting one. Morning after pills? Forget it. RU-86 is illegal.

Mexico? Ally and Langly say it's great for vacations...but man, I'd be real skeptical of Kelly getting something done there...

Oh man. We start school Monday. I thought my worst hassle was gonna be picking out classes. And then picking a major. And then picking a school for upper division.

And my car, let's not even go there.

I count forward nine months...that would be...end of May...when school lets out...when I'm supposed to get ready to transfer schools...when Kelly's supposed to be ready to transfer schools...oh FUCK!

This was gonna be a fantastic night. It started out so great, and it was so nice...

And then this.

This is just so fucking unfair. It's not like we weren't trying to be not responsible!

Really pisses me off that what I'd hear, nowadays, wherever we went, it would be like, well, you shouldn't have been having sex in the first place.

Like what the hell is wrong with sex?

I'm scared, I'm worried, I'm pissed, I just wanna run off and scream somewhere...

But I got to be here for Kelly.

I mean, in a way, she's got it worse. She'd have to carry this kid. Me, I technically could bail anytime I wanted...

No you couldn't, you fuckrag. You're a Frohike. And you love her. And you wouldn't do it. And your dad would kill you.

Oh, there's another fun part. Telling Dad. Oh, by the way, Dad, I knocked Kelly up...no, we weren't trying to, but it happened...

He would probably go ballistic, have another heart attack, or his ulcer would do him in finally. Or all three.

This would kill him.

Yeah, he's warned me about this only about a million times, that contraception's not infallible...I know, I know, I know. My head is bursting right now.

My mom. She'd have a fit. She'd be pissed. She would probably be okay with it after a while, maybe, but I'm not sure. She'd be like, I'm so disappointed in you, Michael...

Why do I even give a fuck what my parents think? I should be old enough not to.

Do you ever stop caring what they think?

Right now, fuck them. I need to think about Kelly. What I'm gonna do.

What we're gonna do.
 

We talk for a long time. What the hell would we do?

Kelly's saying, no matter what, she's going to med school. She has to.

And she does. That means...yours truly would have to find a way to support her and the kid.

With what? I have no creds and not skills I can go out and brag about.

And as much as I love little kids, and I do, I'm not ready for the dad experience. I see what my dad goes through, with me, and with these guys-he thinks of them like kids, too. Used to bug me. Now it's like, he loves them, too, doesn't mean he loves me any less.

Though you wouldn't know it lately.

Still, seems like a lot of work. Lots of worry. Dad worries all the time. I know he worries about me.

I think knowing this keeps me from bopping him.

I don't think this night could get any worse...

Fucking phone! Don't you people know, they're not here!

Kelly picks up. "H'llo? Hi, Jo, what's up?"

What's Jo doing calling here? Thought she and my dad were hanging out together tonight. Maybe she wants to talk to Ally...

"No, he's right here. Let me put him on." She hands me the cordless she pulled off Ally's night table.

"Hey, Jo, what's up?" I hope she's okay. I hope she didn't get real sick or something...

"Michael, you need to meet me at the VA in Fairfax." She's got a calm voice, but you can tell something's wrong.

"You okay?" This is freaking me out.

"It's not me, dear. It's your father. I think his ulcer is bleeding. He's in bad shape. I already called 911. Meet me there." She clicks up the phone.

And I thought this night couldn't get any worse.

Wrong again!

As usual.

END OF PART 11