"Maids, maids, come wash him, make a bed for him,
bedstead and colored rugs and coverlets
to let him lie warm into the gold of Dawn."

"The Odyssey," Fitzgerald Translation. Book 19, Lines 375-377.
Used without permission.
 

MICHAEL:

This can't be happening.

Least when my dad had his heart attack, I was almost unconscious I was so drunk.

This time I'm stone cold sober, and I don't like it at all.

Besides, hasn't tonight been shitty enough?

Apparently not.

What was it Ally told me, there was this Latin phrase she used, she says whom the gods wish to destroy, they first make mad?

Wish I could remember the piece, because it sounded prettier in Latin.

All I can think of clearly right now is, thank God I've got Ally's car.
 

VA in Fairfax. I remember being here. Didn't like it much.

God, don't let my dad die...please...please...please...

Anything. Just don't let my dad die on me.

I need him. I need him so bad.

Kelly's holding on to my arm. Little while ago, I was holding her, trying to tell her everything was gonna be all right.

Now she's doing it for me. God, I'd be dead without her.

I feel like crying right now.   I don't, but I want to.

We look for Jo. Where the hell is she?

I ask where Melvin Frohike was admitted to, where's his room.

He's in surgery. Not good. After about five people, we get directed to the surgical waiting area.

I feel like I'm in a real bad dream. I want to wake up and find out it's been just a bad dream. Please.

We find Jo. First time I've really looked at her since her surgery, and it's kind of noticeable that she's sort of one sided. But she got her drains out. She actually looks pretty good, considering. She's talking to another nurse. She used to work here. And she probably knows everybody.

Least Dad will be taken care of real good.

But first he's gotta be okay. He's gotta make it. He can't just go on me like this.

I think about calling Ally and Langly. Ally probably took her cell, what the hell's her number?

I can't think of it. I ask Kelly.

Kelly remembers it. 703-555-1935. I head for the closest pay phone, which is along the wall.

'The cellular customer you are trying to reach is not available at this time...' shit, she's got her phone off. I know she's in range, she's got PCS for Christ's sake. Langly may be an asshole sometimes, but he makes sure his family has the best electronics money can buy.

Well, what were you expecting? They're at the beach, and the whole reason they went was to escape everybody. So of course she turns off the phone.

I try the prof. No answer. Either he and the lady are out, or they're in bed fucking like bunnies...I don't want to think about that right now.

Wonder if the condoms he gave me were all he had. Why am I thinking of that now?

Fuck. I need some help here.

There's always Mulder. But it's Friday night, he likes to spend it with his family, and what if he's got one of his headaches, like he does a lot lately...

Fuck him. I need his help. He better get his ass over here.

I luck out. He answers. He and Dr. Scully have their own phones, since hers is a TTY, and he's not with a patient.

Maybe if he was, he'd be happy to be interrupted. I said to Mulder a couple days ago, you know, when you bitch about your patients, isn't that like a confidentiality violation? Mulder is so slick, he's like, hey, I didn't tell you who they were. And he tops it off with a shit-eating grin.

I don't think he's gonna grin when I tell him what's going on here.

And he doesn't. He's like, before I can even get everything out, he says he'll be here. Didn't even have to ask.

Mulder is a fuckrag, but he loves my dad. And I bet he's mighty upset now.

Jo comes over to us, she's been talking to her nurse friends here, they're gonna take real good care of Dad. She says he should be okay, but he lost a lot of blood. Jo won't lie to you. If she knows it's gonna be bad, she won't keep it from you.

At least when she says he's probably gonna make it, I can believe her.

Oh Christ. I don't need my dad to be sick right now!

I need my dad to be, well, my dad!

Maybe he'd have my ass in a sling if I tell him what happened to Kelly and me tonight, but he'd still be my dad. He wouldn't throw me in the street. He'd help me.

Wouldn't he?

Yeah, I think he would.

Then I get a real weird thought.

I need to call Les. I need to tell her. She may still hate his guts, but I think she'd want to know.

Wouldn't she?

I know her number in Jersey. I don't really like talking to her that much. She still thinks I'm a little asshole and a fuckrag and a waste of human space.

Hey, not my fault I'm a little brother. Didn't ask to be.

I try her number. Nobody there. Fuck!

Maybe my mom knows...

No. Not gonna bug my mom about this. She's got her own life now. I mean, I think she would care, and all that, but she can't do anything.

But I could use my mom right now.

I ask Kelly if she thinks we should call my mom. She says, up to you.

No, I'm not gonna do it. Mom is finally happy. Why make her sad again? She did her time.

Least I got hold of Mulder.

Guy must drive worse than his wife. I hear his wife is from the we-don't-need-no-brakes school of driving, she's a total maniac, unless she's got the kids in the car, then she slows down to 50...on side streets.

Actually, I've driven with Mulder, he's not that scary...well, not driving, anyway. He must've freaked when he heard about my dad. He looks pretty freaked, anyway.

"Frohike Junior, you okay?" He asks me, patting my shoulder.

I'm sitting there in Kelly's arms, Jo's off talking to the nurses again, and I'm just like, I'm dying here.

I burst into tears.
 

Mulder's cool. He doesn't get like weird about this. He probably sees enough of it, seeing weirdos all the time in practice. He just finds some tissues, pats my back once in a while, looks over to Kelly to make sure she's okay, and lets me have at it.

I finally calm down a little bit. I am so fucking embarrassed, but Kelly just strokes my hair and kisses me and tells me it's okay. Mulder gets up, finds me some water, brings it back. All this and he manages not to give me shit once.

In the crunch, I guess Mulder can be okay. I mean, he's more my dad's friend than mine, but he can be good to me, too.

I'm embarrassed, anyway. Mulder just shrugs, says, don't sweat it.

Why is it, he's like he radiates nerves most of the time, but when it gets real bad, he can be like so calm? Do they teach you that in shrink school?

I ask him that, finally. He laughs a little, says, yeah, actually, they do.

Jo joins us again. I know she's worrying, but she keeps herself calm, too.

"And they teach you to do it for medical training, too," Mulder says to us.

Kelly looks sort of puzzled. "How?"

Mulder laughs and Jo smiles. "Well," Mulder says, "helps if you're calm to start with, but if you're not, they show you how to fake it."

"So how do you fake it?" I ask him.

Mulder shakes his head. "Just the training, I think."

Jo nods. "That's true. It's really hard to stay calm in situations like this. So you fall back on your training. Let me tell you, I'm grateful tonight I had this training-not simply because of the contacts I have here, although that does reassure me, but because I would be climbing the walls and screaming otherwise."

I have to laugh, and so does Kelly. The idea of Jo climbing the walls and screaming is so not Jo. But it's kind of a funny image.

"Hey, Jo, how're you feeling?" Mulder asks her.

"I'm not bad," she admits, which is her way of saying, I've felt better, thanks.

"You look good," he tells her.

"Mulder, I look like Dolly Parton on one side and Kate Moss on the other, but you're sweet to say it." She smiles at him. He's such a con artist.

"Scully's not feeling so great this week," Mulder mentions to us.

"I noticed she's been working from home a lot," Kelly says, I didn't know this.

"Yeah, well, she's been real tired," Mulder says. "Like she's got the flu and she can't kick it."

"Or she's pregnant," Jo winks at him.

He shakes his head. "Don't think so. Can't think of a time when we weren't careful."

Yeah, well, Mulder, after Ally's birthday party, you were pretty fucking buzzed...but I'm not gonna say anything. This is too close to home.

Jo gets up to see what's up with Dad.

"He's in recovery. We'll be able to see him in about an hour."

"Is he okay?" I'm like, every nerve is raw. Kelly rubs my back, but I'm still pretty wrecked.

"He's all right. He's in serious condition, but he's stable right now." Jo is trying to be both a nurse and a friend. She's so cool.

"What time's it?" It's like I've had no sense of how much time's gone by.

"11:21 p.m," Mulder says.

I couldn't tell you how much time passed. I think we got here around 9. I'm not sure.

"Can't I see him now?" I mean, I know I can't, but I feel like this little kid who's being denied something...I want him NOW.

Jo puts her hands on my shoulders. "The nursing staff has a lot of work to do with a patient in recovery. Let them do their work. Then you can see him."
 

We talk. Anything to pass the time.

I want my dad NOW.

But we have to wait. I mean, I know Jo's right. She knows this stuff. But I feel like I'm gonna burst.

And I already did it once tonight.

And one cool thing about Mulder: he won't rat me out to the guys. He'll just keep it to himself that I was such an idiot.

Jo asks about what we're taking when we start school on Monday. I tell her I got two lab sciences, bio and chem, and a calc III class. Kelly's got physics, bio 3, and organic chem.

"God, I hated lab sciences," Mulder groans.

"They were a lot of work," Jo says.

"They are that," Kelly agrees with them.

Oh Christ.

"But I like them," Kelly says to them.

"I liked them once I got the hang of them, as I got further into them...but it was hard for me in the beginning. Chemistry really strung me up badly," Jo tells us.

This is what I like about Jo. She doesn't pretend like she's so cool and everything's a piece of cake for her.

Not like some people we know.

"I almost blew up the lab," Mulder says, grinning, and we all laugh, because with Mulder, it's not because he thought it would be cool to blow up the lab, but because, like with his cell phone and his guns, he just loses track of stuff.

"Bet Dr. Scully never did that," I say to him.

"No, but her class, they got their hands on an old Monsanto manual, it had the recipe for LSD in it, and I guess they tried to cook some up."

Dr. Scully? Making some homemade LSD? No way!

"Can't imagine Dana ever doing such a thing," Jo shakes her head.

"Scully...can surprise you," Mulder winks.

"She didn't take it, did she?" Kelly's like trying to get the dirt on the boss lady now.

Mulder gives this I-know-something-you-don't look to us.

"She won't say."

Bet she would, but he'd never tell us. And she'd tell only him. You can tell Mulder the most outrageous stuff, don't think anything shocks him.

I've done some acid, I'm trying to imagine Dr. Scully tripping...I don't know, for some reason, I can see it...and it's pretty damn funny.

Right now, wish I was tripping. At least on something good. This is madness. Waiting. Waiting. Waiting.

I don't wait well. Like I said once, guys are not made to wait. We're action creatures. Sorry. Shoot me for saying it. I'm not offering a retraction.

Jo sits down next to me, and I got Kelly on one side, she's got her arm around me, I'm leaning on her shoulder. Jo stretches her arm on her non-cut-up side around us. Jo's so good to me. I mean, what am I gonna do if I lose her?

What am I gonna do if my dad goes south?

No no no no no...

I can feel my chest tighten up, hard. Just like the other night. Not now. No no not now, pleasepleaseplease...

"Michael. Slow. Easy." Mulder's voice, which normally he's got this real teasing voice, is soft, low, real hypnotic. He just repeats it over and over again, and Jo and Kelly pat me on the back. It's like a mantra.

"You can breathe. You're all right." Mulder says this in this voice where you got no choice but to believe him.

A few minutes later, I'm okay. I feel kind of soggy inside, but I'm not gasping anymore.

Jo gives me her best nurse look. "When did that start again? Your dad said you asthma as a little one, and I know you had an attack the other night, but how long has this been going on?"

"Just...the other night." I don't wanna go into that. I think about it, I get all creeped out.

"Maybe you should get a prescription and keep it with you, for times like these," she says gently.

Mulder pipes in this suddenly loud, "No."

Jo glares at him a little-Mulder has this way of pissing everybody off at one time or another. "And where did you get your medical degree?"

Mulder isn't put out by it-well, shit, he's had enough practice. "Inhalation drugs are the primary source of our government's public health policies."

Jo gives him a weird look. "Mulder, that makes no sense at all."

He keeps going. "Since the 80s, maybe even before, inhalation drugs are being used, along with injectables, to administer experimental compounds to unwitting citizens. Most people think they're simply having unpleasant side effects."

Jo doesn't go with that. "Mulder, anytime you place a powerful chemical in the body, you're going to have side effects."

Mulder shakes his head. "Should those effects include depression, ennui, psychosis?"

"They can." Jo does know her drugs.

He's like on a roll. "No. Drugs are being reported with side effects that have nothing to do with their chemical structure."

"Mulder, people have very individual chemical makeups. Drugs will all affect them differently."

"Within a range."

"Mulder, I'm sorry, but this makes no sense...why would pharmaceutical companies do this?"

Jo kind of knows what we do...but she stays outside the circle. She feels that ignorance in the case of our work is a good thing.

She's probably right.

"Where do pharmaceutical companies get most of their funding?" Mulder challenges her.

"They're for-profit companies. From revenues."

"Yeah, but R&D is exorbitant in drug research. Our government gives them the lion's share of the money."

"It's in their best interest to do it."

"That depends on what you define their best interest as," Mulder retorts. They're getting sort of annoyed at each other now.

Hey, with Mulder, happens sooner or later.

"I'm sorry, Mulder, but I think Michael needs to have some sort of medication readily available to him should he have an attack and not be able to breathe. He may not have you around next time." She's not in a good mood with him.

"I don't think that's a good idea-"

"Excuse me, Jo?" A large, heavyset lady who's dressed in nurse clothes comes to the door.

"Cecilia. Is he in his room?" Oh yeah, this is one of Jo's buds.

"We're going to watch him in ICU tonight. You can go see him, but only for a moment."

What the fuck?!

Jo is cool, though. "This is Melvin's son, Michael." She puts her hand on my shoulder again. "He can stay with him."

"If he's family, yes."

Jo just smiles at us.
 

Oh God. This is like last time. He's like wired for sound.

He looks so old and so fragile.

I feel like crying. I think Kelly knows this, she holds me up.

"Dad?"

Jo touches my arm. "Don't wake him, dear. He needs to rest." She turns to one of the nurses in the doorway. "Can you get him a comfortable chair, please? This is the patient's son. And he's staying, I presume."

I get what passes for comfy in hospitals, with a blanket. Nice that Jo has connections.

Kelly tucks me in. "Call me if you need me." She leans over and kisses me so soft on my mouth.

"We'll be in the waiting area, come get us anytime," Mulder says.

I'm alone with my dad. Oh God. Please make him better. Please let him wake up.

He's so small. I didn't realize how small he was. I know I'm a little taller, but he always looks so big to me.

I run my hand along his cheek. And I realize...

Dude needs a shave. Big time.

END OF PART 12