DUM SPIRO, SPERO
Part 38
 

"What can I accomplish? There's nothing left.
What can I do or undo?"

"Antigone," Translation by Richard Emil Braun. Lines 45-46. Used without permission.
 

LANGLY:

God, this sucks.

Really sucks.

Why the fuck did I agree to this?

Right now, all I wanna do is go home, crawl in bed, have Ally rub my lower back and my shoulders, and pass out.

Instead, I'm headed for some hellhole warehouse in this hellhole state, feeling like hell myself. Thought the Sudafed would help. Instead, seems like it got me to barf my guts all over the inside of the Mulder beast of burden.

Okay, and I had a few beers, too. How many did I have...not sure.

I could be at dinner with my family right now...I could be watching a real bad movie...I could write an article...hell, I'd almost rather be at work.

Almost.

Wonder when the last time Public Works got anywhere near the NJ Turnpike. Every bump and pothole we go over, swear to God I'm gonna lose whatever I got left in my stomach.

Not much distance between those babies, I'll have you that.

I am in no shape for this.

Where the fuck is Byers when I need him?

I mean, I really, really needed him to help us out this time.

I'm trying to get comfortable, and it's not happening. I'm shivering and I'm tired and I hurt all over. I should be in my bed, not trying to scrunch myself up in the second passenger seat in a Plymouth Voyager.

"How much farther we got?" I ask Junior. He used to live here, he oughta know.

"About fifteen miles."

Aargh!

"I need another soda." We stopped when we washed the car, grabbed some Cokes. And Doritos. I can smell Mulder and Junior eating Doritos...and the smell is making me gag.

"You're gonna have to wait." Junior's stuffing his face with Doritos right now. Nacho cheese.

Great. We got another fifteen miles to go, I'm totally dehydrated, and I can't get at the soda because it's up front with Mulder and Junior.

"Hey, Langly, want some Doritos?" Mulder's asking me this while his mouth is stuffed.

He's doing this just to hassle me, and it's pissing me off. Least they could do is put the Doritos away till we get there.

I hope this job goes down quick and easy. I'm not in the mood for anything complicated, like we had to do at Lombard Research Facility one time. That was fucking scary.

"You ready to rock and roll?" Mulder asks, at least this time he doesn't talk with his mouth full. I know he only did it to bum me out last time, because Mulder is like Mr. Emily Post. He's a weirdo and he's kind of mental, but he does have good manners.

Think they said that about Ted Bundy, too. But I don't think we'd have had so much fun with Ted Bundy.

We get a lot of mileage out of Mulder, he's good for lots of laughs. We got lots of good stories about him. But he's also a royal pain in the ass, and I know I'm gonna be a target for at least the rest of the night. Probably longer.

Plus, I made the mistake of hassling Junior about barfing in what might be called inappropriate places. And I hassled him a lot.

And Junior, well, Junior doesn't let that stuff go.

I am so fucking screwed it's not funny.

I try to clear my head, center myself a little. I got to pull this job off right.

I've already fucked up plenty for one night.
 

MICHAEL:

Rahway. Not exactly the garden spot of North America.

Rivers are interesting colors, though.

Lots of pharmaceutical companies around here, which explains the bright colored water. Hazardous waste clean up companies love NJ. There's so much work here. Ka-ching! Watch those profits go through the roof!

You wanna know how much I don't wanna do this?

My mom lives about twenty miles from here. While I'm not always thrilled about Mom-she still gets on my nerves-I'd way rather visit Mom than do this.

For one thing, I'm not chickenshit about Mom. Mom pisses me off, but she doesn't scare the shit out of me.

The idea of doing this, well, it might be Mulder's idea of fun. It sure as hell isn't mine.

Is there still time to scream and run?

We pull into a parking lot at this strip mall that's about a mile away from where we need to go.

"Ah, fuck, Mulder, not another frigging storm drain!" Langly whines. That's true, they go on these trips from time to time with Mulder...guess they're all like this in some way. "And this one's even worse than the last one!"

"C'mon, Langly, when did you ever mind getting a little dirty?" Mulder teases him.

"I don't give a fuck about getting dirty, I give a fuck about getting down there when I can't even see straight! It's like a six foot drop from the ladder to the tunnel, I'm gonna fucking kill myself!"

"It's only four, you dope," I remind him...but still. Four foot drop...I'm only 5-6...this could hurt in the morning.

"So what?"

"So you guys know what you're doing, don't you?" Mulder's looking at us like, well, are you ready?

"No!" We both shout together.

"I'm gonna kill Byers for this," Mulder mutters.

He's right-Dad and the prof are way better at this stuff than Langly and me. We can execute like crazy. Plan? That's another story.

"Well, hurry up and figure it out, we haven't got all night, you know! Mitch's gives last call at 2, if I'm not home by 4, I'm probably gonna do another week on the sofa!"

Langly and me look at each other like, hmm...let's make him late.

More importantly, though, let's get this shit over with.

Langly goes over what we downloaded into the laptop. "Shit!" He mutters.

"What's wrong?" Mulder's like, give me a fucking break, you guys.

"Got a problem. Way we're gonna do this, there's like one entry way, it's through the floor, and it's real, real small."

Mulder's a pretty big guy. "Like how small?"

"Smaller'n what you and me can fit."

"No problem, we'll send Junior here in," Mulder waves a hand at me.

WHAT?!

We're doomed.

"Here's what you gotta do, Junior," Langly's telling me. "There's like this tube here from the storm drain, small opening, you're gonna have to crawl-"

"Wait a minute! I thought I was coming along for tech support!"

"Your job description just got changed. Now after you get through this tube-"

"My dad's gonna kill me if he finds out about this."

Mulder laughs. "Junior, if your dad, or anybody, finds out about this, it'll be too late for him to kill you."

Oh, that just made me feel SO much better!

"Do I get to take the gun?" I ask Mulder.

"You know how to shoot?" he asks me.

"No."

"Then you're not taking it. You don't know how to use it, you're better off without it."

I remember Martha saying something about being an expert shot.

Well, her dad was a weapons instructor...good chance she is.

I got to get her to give me some skills. Unfortunately, it's a little late for that right now.

"Junior, are you gonna listen or what?" Langly's mood isn't improving.

Bastard doesn't know how lucky he is. He's not going through a maze to illegally get inside a warehouse, steal a ton of stuff, and probably get attacked by Dobermans and shot by the guards and my dad learns about this ever, he's gonna murder me...

Think the guards and the dogs might be a better way to go.

"I'm listening." It might slightly reduce my chances of being royally screwed. "By the way, how much do I got to take, and how the fuck do I get it out?"

Langly shows me the floor plan. "Like this. There's another tube, on the contiguous wall, you're gonna shove it down there, then you'll have to crawl down there later and get it out."

"Lemme guess. You dudes won't fit."

"Junior, sometimes you're not as stupid as I think you are," Langly says.

Thanks a lot!

"Why don't I just put it down the same way I came in?" Makes more sense.

Langly gives me this look like, you really are an idiot. "I take it back. You're even stupider than I think you are. Junior, when I say small, I mean small."

Oh Christ. I swam all summer, I got pretty buff...but I really didn't get skinny, know what I mean? And when school starts, and I'm not moving around so much, it gets hard to keep it down. Frohike family trait.

I hate my DNA sometimes.

Although right now, I could really hate these guys.

Not to mention myself for agreeing to do this in the first place!

Next time Mulder asks me to do something, it better be babysitting.

And I thought that was a dangerous activity.

We hammer out the details. Langly says he'll be able to talk to me, I can talk to him, as long as there isn't too much signal interference.

As long as. This place is concrete and steel. Chances I'll get a clear signal...

Not good.

As for making me feel warm and fuzzy...not happening.
 

"Okay, I think this is it." Langly pulls off the manhole cover.

"You think?" Mulder looks at him like, you better know, you asshole.

"Yeah, yeah, we're here, chill out, Mulder."

"So who's going first?"

"Tools are." I heave a backpack full of stuff down the chute. Hits the ground with a thwack.

And this is the unbreakable stuff.

"Sounds kind of damp," Mulder twitches his face. "Smells like it, too." He turns to me. "You go first."

"Oh, thanks a lot!"

It's fucking dark down there, even though we got flashlights, it's still kind of nasty looking.

I'm trying to remember if I'm claustrophobic. I sure as hell hope not.

Climbing down's okay, but there's a four-foot drop at the bottom, which I got to jump...with computer equipment on my back. So I got to make sure I land on my feet or at least on my face.

Fuck. I close my eyes and dive. I'm trying to pretend I'm heading into the water.

Except that water feels a lot softer, and I end up doing sort of a cannonball jump, meaning, I hit the ground with my feet, but pretty fucking hard. My legs are gonna kill me tomorrow.

It's damp down here, but no standing water, at least. This is good. Supposedly this is supposed to stay dry, what with access to wiring and stuff, but you can tell how often it gets maintained.

Some graffiti down here, though. "For a good time, call Junie, 768-2174." "Fuck you all." Rest of it's been kind of obliterated. These must be new ones.

"You fuckrags coming down?" I yell up.

"Jesus, Junior, chill, would ya?" Langly's gonna do it next.

Wish he'd waited for last. He's the most likely to take a dive right now, and Mulder could catch him lots better than I can.

He almost falls off the ladder, but he manages a better landing than me. Asshole.

"C'mon, Mulder, don't be afraid to mess up your hair," I yell up to him.

He's like a cat, he can do this that well. Wonder how much practice he's had.

It really is tight down here. Not much more room than for the three of us, and with our gear, it's gonna get mighty cozy in a hurry.

The set up is kind of a pain in the ass, because we don't have much room, we don't have a lot of light, and with this stuff, Mulder is like worse than useless. We finally tell him to do us a favor and quit trying to help.

"Okay, Junior, it's showtime," Langly announces. "Here's where you're gonna go."

I should've never come down here. I should've never got in the damn van. I should've never agreed to help in the first place...

Here goes.
 

They weren't kidding when they said this is small!

I am not a big guy, not at all. And I'm barely squeezing through. Ally's tiny, she could've managed this. Or Miranda. I could just see Miranda doing this. She'd be bitching that her hair was getting messed up.

Least I can mostly hear them. "Hey Junior? Having fun on the jungle gym?" It's Mulder.

"Fuck you, asshole. I can barely breathe."

"Yeah, but important thing is, can you move?" Langly's being a shithead.

"Next time I'm gonna make sure I gain twenty pounds before you ask me to do anything like this so there's no way you fuckers can put me up to this!"

"Relax, Junior. You're doing great." It's Mulder.

"How far'm I?"

"You got...let's see." Langly's checking it out. "Jesus, Mulder, get the fuck out of my way, would ya! You got about another seventy feet or so."

"Closer to seventy or closer to or so?"

"Junior, just keep moving and shut up, okay?" Langly's like getting real crabby.

Thank God I discovered I'm not claustrophobic. I'd have died in here by now. I haven't done this since I was a little kid on a Crocodile Mile. But Crocodile Mile is a hell of a lot more fun.

Plus it smells in here. I'm probably gonna have to burn these clothes.

You ever had Crocodile Mile? It's great. It's like this hundred-foot long piece of vinyl, it's got all kinds of bumps and sprinklers and things in it, and what you do is, you dive head first at the beginning, and you slide down on your belly as fast as you can and you get real wet and on a hot day, it's just so awesome. Got Mom to do it one time when I was about four. She was in pain for weeks.

I'm beginning to figure out how she felt.

We never could convince Dad to try it. He knew. He's also not big on water. That I don't get, well, I didn't until he told me about some of the things that happened to him in 'Nam.

Wonder how he feels about small spaces. Don't really know. The apartment's not big, but compared to this, it's the fucking Taj Mahal.

Christ, I haven't cleaned the place at all...course, I haven't been there much. But we really ought to get it shaped up for when Dad comes home, whenever that is.

Maybe I can get Martha to do it. Like I got so much free time. Like I got time to be doing this shit! I still got a batch of calc problems, two lab reports and I got to study for a quiz. And that's just for this week so far. I'll get a bunch more when I get back on Monday. Bio prof assigned over a hundred pages this weekend. I got three articles I'm working on, none of 'em finished, my laundry is dangerously low, I got 25 hours of tutoring to do this week, there's like nothing to eat in the house, I got to go see Dad, I want SOME time with Kelly...

So what'm I doing? Crawling through a fucking steam tunnel duct, so I can break into a warehouse and steal stuff.

I'm starting to get real nervous about this. And kind of pissed. I'm doing all the work here.

"You see the hatch yet, Junior?" It's that familiar whiny voice.

"Think so." God, I hope so. I hope this is it, or I'm totally lost in the bowels of the earth, and I'll never get out, they'll just leave me here to rot...

"Hope you got this thing unlatched," I snap at Langly. God, how the fuck am I gonna squeeze through this? It's even smaller than the tube I'm in!

"I did it, I did it, keep your shorts on."

CHRIST!!! I get stuck in this thing, I am so doomed...

I wriggle through it, and I only get kind of stuck, once. They are so damn lucky I'm not a giant among men. The thought of one of these guys trying to do this, it just plain cracks me up.

"What's so funny?" It's Langly again.

"I was just thinking 'bout how you'd look going through this."

"Shut the fuck up and work, Junior. Quicker we get outta here, less chance we get caught."

"You try it, asshole."

"Okay, you're in?" It's Mulder.

"Yeah, I'm in."

"Good, now you need to get like one batch from about a hundred or so different lot numbers."

"What if they don't have a hundred different lot numbers?"

"Then get as many as you can. I think PDR said they come in boxes of 12, try to get one box of each-"

Oh, this is just gonna be so much fun!

Everything's on palettes, and I look on the cartons for lot numbers. First three palettes, they all got the same lot numbers.

I take my Swiss Army knife and pry open a carton. I got to be careful, I don't want it looking like we trashed everything. Nothing like being a tidy and considerate thief.

Place is huge. This is bigger than Costco, and Costco's like, wear comfortable shoes. You'll be there a while.

"I got eight boxes, I got to get rid of some of this stuff," I yell.

"Okay, now go over to the south wall, start stacking it up there, we'll get the door open so you can start dropping stuff down-"

"Whaddya mean, you'll get the door open?!"

"Hey, this isn't exactly a piece of cake, Junior!"

"Tell me about it!"

Shit, he's gotta get that open.

I'm starting to get real nervous. I've got 36 boxes so far. Only like 64 more to go...one-third there...

"Did you idiots get the door unlatched?"

"Hey, Junior, these people aren't stupid, you know!" Langly's really being a pain in the ass. "I'm working fast!"

"Yeah, well, work faster!"

"Fuck you, Junior."

"Okay, kids, enough!" It's Mulder. I think he's getting concerned about how long this is taking, but he's mostly still being cool...mostly.

I only find 55 lot numbers. I'm not sure I got everything, but I've been checking pretty much all the floor space, and I don't think I'm gonna get much more.

"I'm done," I tell them. "Lemme out."

"Almost there," Langly tells me. "Okay, Junior, let her rip!"

I reach for the latch, twist it...

And the fucking alarm goes off.

Oh Christ, I'm so fucked...talk about having a heart attack...

"Langly, you asshole, get me the fuck outta here!"

"I gotta get the alarm turned off, I tripped the wrong thing!"

"Yeah, well, get the right one!"

"I'm trying, I'm trying!"

"Maybe if you hadn't had so many beers today, you moron-"

"Junior, just shut the fuck up! I oughta just leave you in there-"

I think the alarm only blared for about fifteen seconds...but it was fifteen seconds longer than I think my system could stand.

Finally, it's quiet.

I got to get out of here, and fast.

I push everything in the chute, and then I race over to where I came in...

And pull the cover...

Just in time to see what looks like a third world army come in...

Dad better never find out about this.

END OF PART 38