"If only we too could discover a pure, contained
human place, our own strip of fruit-bearing soil
between river and rock."

~~Rainier Maria Rilke  -- Duino Elegies: The Second Elegy ~~
______

THURSDAY, MAY 17, 2000
ON THE ROAD TO HARRISBURG, PENNSYLVANIA
EARLY  EVENING

FROHIKE:

Maybe I should have eaten something with a little more substance than a dozen Krispy Kremes and a giant coffee; by the time I reach the fringes of Harrisburg, my stomach is snarling at me. I think about grabbing something, but it's nearly six in the evening, and Mel might be hungry. I'm not sure what her plans for dinner are; she said something in one of her emails about her primary cooking talents consisting of the ability to wave credit cards at waiters and point to menu items.

I really did enjoy the time to myself. The whole trip up was a complete pleasure, unless you count the part with the gas station bathroom, which was mercifully brief. But as for dining, that should be shared. I've always believed that it's better to eat soup with friends than steak alone.

She lives on Route 83, the road into town and the main drag, but she's in the unincorporated part of the city. It snows like a son of a bitch in these parts in winter, and unincorporated areas don't tend to get much in the way of plowing aside from the occasional capitalist neighbor trying to recoup the payments on his SUV. Springtime, however, has brought out the best in the area's personality; the houses are far apart, the lawns are bright green, and there are flowers everywhere.

Mel's house isn't in magnificent repair, but this doesn't surprise me; she's been single and raising children for the better part of fifteen years, only two of which her ex paid child support for. I've been trying to track him down and send him some 'correspondence,' suggesting that he ought to own up to his responsibilities, but even we can't find him. I wonder where the hell the bastard went?

I hate guys that don't take care of their families, even if they can't live with them. I never missed a support payment. I've paid my rent late, skipped my utilities even, but I never missed a check to my kids.

Her car is parked outside -- no garage -- and is, as she described, a 1989 Honda Accord. A good car, reliable and well-made, though no match for my old Chrysler.

Maybe I can help her with some repairs on the house. It's something I can do; I'd never have bought that monstrosity of an old house if we weren't all capable with tools. Wonder how the boys are doing on it? I should call and let them know I'm here.

She's out in her garden when I pull up. One of the reasons I chose the house I did was because there was the possibility of having a garden. I love digging in the dirt. To see her out, pruning her rose bushes, lifts my heart.

"Mel!" She runs over to me.

I notice for the first time how long her hair is. When I saw her in the hospital, it was wound into a tight bun, but tonight, it's in a long braid, long enough for her to sit on. There's a fair bit of gray mixed in the brown, and I think it looks good that way. It says she's not afraid of her age, or of showing it.

I spent the last hour of the trip debating whether or not to kiss her hello when we met, and what kind of kiss it should be, but she renders the point moot, and plants a soft one right on my lips. I can't remember when something felt so wonderfully right. She smiles at me, and I do the same to her.

"How was your trip?"

I look her over. Mel is short, even shorter than I am. She's clad in baggy shorts and a T-shirt with the classic 'Hit any key to continue' cartoon. She looks delightful; relaxed and comfortable.

"I'm sorry I'm not better dressed," she apologizes, taking my arm gently in hers, "but when I'm gardening I don't try to emulate a Paris fashion model." She giggles a bit. "Truth is, I never try to emulate a Paris fashion model. I'm more of a fashion victim."

"You look lovely," I tell her, and I mean it.

"Well, come in, come in! Welcome to Chez Mess." She leads me into the kitchen, which, indeed, is a mess, but no worse than ours has ever looked. "Iced tea?" She pulls a pitcher from the fridge.

"That would be lovely, thank you."

"It's sun tea and it's not sweetened, but feel free to doctor it any way you like."

"Plain is fine." The tea is strong and cold. Hits the spot perfectly.

I take a quick inventory of the room. Her cabinets appear to need new hinges. I'll ask her later. I don't want her to be insulted, but I'd like to help if I can.

"Sorry the place is something of a disaster," she goes on as she serves tea in two tall glasses, "but I never seem to have the time or money to pull it together. So much shit I gotta do to make this place livable, but can't get around to it."

"I'd be happy to help you." She proffers me a glass.

I take it from her.

"I didn't bring you here to work, Mel."

"I don't mind. Really."

"Well, if you don't... that'd be wonderful. But enough of that. Tell me about your trip to California. You didn't say much in your emails, except that it was... odd."

Odd doesn't even begin to cover it. "Would you mind terribly if I called in to the guys? They worry, you know," I say to her.

"Oh, call them, by all means. Phone's over there." She points to a pile of whatever on the counter. I'm assuming there's a phone buried in there somewhere.

After some major excavation, I locate a cordless phone; not very secure. Oh well, it's just a check-in call. I can fix the security situation later.

"Lone Gunmen," I hear Langly's nasal voice, heavily punctuated with giggles.

"What the hell are you doing, Langly?"

"Um... let's see... oh yeah... Elron and Kimmy and Scotty are here. Devi too. They're like... they're sorta helping us get the place fixed up." This is followed by a heavy chorus of laughter from behind him.

What the hell is going on? Wait, I probably don't want to know.

"Well, I'm calling to let you know I'm here."

"Oh. Like...where are you, man?"

"Langly, are you stoned?" The laughing from him and the people in the background sounds a lot like what went on in my younger days, involving... recreational substances. That gets a good laugh from him.

"Put Byers on," I order him. At least one of them should be somewhat sober, statistically speaking.

"Hey Byers, man, Frohike wants to talk to you!" Langly seems to think this is hilarious, and so do the others. I swear I'm going to smack that boy when I get home. Well, at least Byers will be able to take a message and understand it.

"Uh... hello?" Byers sounds like... well, not like Byers. He bursts into laughter before he finishes his greeting. Looks like they've all been dipping into the happy weed. Well, they've got Scotty and Elron there, what should I have expected?

"Byers, I'm in Pennsylvania."

"Uh-huh. No, the blender's under there, Devi... we're making milkshakes." He giggles again.

They've definitely been smoking. Langly always follows a toke session with milkshakes.

"I see you have nothing under control," I snap at him. "Try to get some work done, if it's not too much trouble."

"Oh... no trouble, no trouble at all... um... bye!" Byers hangs up in a fit of laughter. I shake my head.

"Problem?" Mel asks me, her eyebrows knitted in concern.

I shake my head. "Oh, no. Just the kids getting stoned."

"From what you say, Mel, they're 34 and 36 years old. Hardly kids."

"Your kids are what, 20 and 23?"

"Sad but true."

"And you still worry about them, don't you?"

"Only all the time." She looks weary. "I have no idea where either of them are right now. You'd think they'd at least have the courtesy to let me know their whereabouts, but that seems to be far beyond their capabilities." She sighs. "Lisa hasn't said anything, but why do I think once this baby is born, she's going to expect Grandma to be available at her beck and call?"

"Well, will Grandma be available?" I tease her gently.

"Oh, you know I'm a sucker, Mel. I think that's obvious."

"You're not a sucker. You're just a gentle, kindhearted woman."

She looks up at me, her eyes radiant and hopeful. "Thank you."

"It's the truth, you know."

She sits at the kitchen table with me, laying her hand gently atop mine. It feels so natural and right. "So let's quit worrying about our kids for a few minutes. Tell me about your job in California."

Oh boy. I draw in a long breath. In order for this to make sense, it's going to have to be contextualized, starting about the year her Accord was made.

I look at her meaningfully. "Mel, would you like to have some dinner?"

She smiles. "Now that would truly be a treat. Only I'm not very well dressed."

"Last time I checked, Denny's didn't have a dress code."

That gets an even broader smile. "I knew you were the right man for me."

Let's see what she says after a Grand Slam and an unbelievable story of a long, strange trip.

LONE GUNMEN HQ

BYERS:

When Elron and Scotty showed up, Elron was, as usual, packing weed and rolling papers. I don't think he ever goes anywhere without them, and I have no idea how he's managed to avoid getting busted over the years. Also as usual, he rolled a joint and offered some to everyone. Langly, of course, doesn't require any arm twisting. Frohike indulges from time to time as well, but I usually don't. I mean, I got stoned now and then when I was in college, like everyone else. I even inhaled. Not at drunken frat-boy parties of course; I was never the type. The people I used to hang out with were arts and media department types who were in some of my communications classes with me, or in my Asian Arts class, or the guys in pre-law, which was practically a requirement if I wanted to get into the FCC. Left over bohemians, who usually wrote terrible poetry. Bad poetry is just pitiful. Sari writes really good poetry though. I wonder if she's written anything while she's been away? Some of that stuff she read for Langly and Deborah was... is it hot in here? Where was I? Right. Elron had some grass.

Most of this year has been harrowing. Sure, I've been feeling better lately. It's wonderful to be able to see normally again. I was feeling in a celebratory mood, so instead of passing the joint as I usually do, I actually took a hit before I handed it to Ringo. You know, it feels good to do that sometimes. Kimmy  showed up and got into it too, and we talked for quite a while about some rumors of a new design for a water-fueled engine. Splitting out the hydrogen is the usual suspected technology, and they've been talking about it for a long time now. I still think the oil companies are hiding something big. Well, we know they're hiding everything, but I mean, big as in could put them out of business entirely big. After a while, Scotty and Langly said we were too damn boring and dragged us over to join their conversation. They wanted to talk about their latest game. Then Devi showed up.

I'll admit it, I was entirely paranoid when the buzzer rang. When I saw it was her in the security monitor, I shouted "Devi's here, hide the weed!"

"Why, man?" Langly asked.

Why? "Well... um... I mean, she's married to a diplomat. She's State Department. Maybe she'd have a problem with it or something..."

Langly gave me his 'you're too stupid to live' look. "Oh Jesus, Byers, get over yourself. Devi's like totally cool about stuff. And besides, man, you know that a lot of feds are like, total stoners, dude."

Langly laughed, and then I started too, and when Devi entered, she took a sniff and started singing "Don't Bogart That Joint." That was enough to set everyone off.

After a while, Langly wanted milkshakes. He always does when he's stoned. He has got absolutely no concept of nutritional value, I swear. Frohike called, just as Devi was looking for the blender. I think he's over at Ms. Scarlett's place now. Unless he was calling from a truck stop. Or maybe a diner. Or was he at a gas station? I don't remember. Anyway, I don't want a milkshake. There's no chocolate syrup to make one. And no chocolate ice cream. How can you make a proper chocolate milkshake without chocolate? I wonder if there's some cocoa mix around somewhere, or at least some Oreos?

Langly and Kimmy are working on the wiring while Elron is in the kitchen with Devi.

Scotty shouts "Hey Druid -- I hope you're not trying to supervise in there. You always wanna put mistletoe in everything!"

Scotty isn't one to talk. God only knows what the hell he shoots into his arm when he's jonesing. I should keep an eye on him. He's been known to make off with stuff before, to sell for his fix. Where is he? Oh yeah, over there, putting some of the wall back up where we rewired.

Talk about bad wiring, this place still has knob and tube in the walls, and we even found some old gas lines from when the place was first built, before electric lights. That reminds me, we need... oh, what the hell... red... fire extinguishers, yeah, for all the rooms in the house. Knob and tube isn't exactly reliable. I don't know what possessed Frohike when he and Mulder went to sign the papers for this place. I think he hid our ownership under about a dozen levels of false corporations and identities. At least he knows his way around that stuff. Sari was in the hospital that day, and I couldn't be there to sign the closing papers. That's the sort of thing I usually do. Legal papers, identification, all that stuff, because I studied pre-law, for the FCC.

God I'm hungry. Kimmy  passes me the joint again. Or maybe it's a different joint. I'm not sure. It looks like it might be the same joint. I examine it closely to be sure.

"Ground Control to Major Byers," he says as I'm eyeing the joint.

"Hmmm? What?" I put down the pliers and take the joint from him... don't crush that dwarf... hmmm... maybe I should put on one of my old Firesign Theater albums. I think maybe 'Everything You Know is Wrong'... Oh, right, I'm supposed to be helping with the wiring. "I need a pizza."

"Za?" Devi says, hauling in a cutting board with half a dozen milkshakes on it, Elron at her heels. "That sounds soooo good right now. I need some za."

Langly looks up from his work. "Man, where's my milkshake? Chips, dude, we need chips. And za." I think we're starting to form a consensus here.

"Whoa, how much pizza we talkin' here?" Elron wants to know.

"I think we need one for each of us," Scotty says. "I'm starved. I need a pizza that could choke a horse." Everyone laughs, but I'm about that hungry myself.

"Dude, I'll call," Elron says.

"Who's paying?" Kimmy wants to know.

Everyone turns and stares in my direction. I look behind me to see who they're staring at, but there's nobody there. Oh. They want me to pay for the pizza. Maybe I'll put it on Mulder's Visa; after all, he went house hunting with Frohike. The knob and tube wiring is partly his fault, and we deserve pizza after we've been working so hard all day. I feel like I haven't eaten in a million years. I remember the last time I hadn't eaten in a million years; I fell over on my face at Sari's place. God, that was so embarrassing. But that soup of hers was delicious. Damn, I miss her. I wish she was here now. We could have pizza together. I don't think she'd want one with everything, though.

My reverie is rudely interrupted by a ball of paper in the chest.

"Byers, dude, wake up -- you're doing the za thing," Langly says.

I nod and reach for the phone, hit the speed dial for the pizza place, and give them our order. Half a dozen large pizzas with everything. Ummm... beer, we need beer with pizza, but they don't sell beer. Why the hell don't they? Everyone knows you need beer with pizza, it's a universal law, like gravity or Murphy's law, or maybe that law about equal and opposite reactions... what the hell was that, anyway? I forget.

"They don't have any beer, guys," I announce to no one in particular.

Langly looks up at me, supremely annoyed, but his upper lip and the tip of his nose are white from the milkshake and I can't help laughing.

"What's so funny?" he says. "No beer is like a totally massive crisis."

I keep giggling, because I can't talk, and just point to the tip of my nose.

"Okay, dude, so you got a big nose, what are we..." He brings his hand up and touches the tip of his own nose, noting the milkshake on it. "...oh man..." Now everyone's laughing.

Scotty speaks up. "Guys, like Elron and me, we'll go for some beer. We can't allow this kind of cosmic crisis to continue."

Langly smiles. "Dudes, you're Godlike."

"Here's some money, guys." Devi hands Elron some cash.

I think she's smart enough to know that she'd never see any change if she handed it to Scotty. Elron's reliable when it comes to beer runs, though. He spends most of his life like this, and I've seen direct, incontrovertable evidence that he can code while seriously stoned, so I'm sure he can make change. And the nearest place that sells beer is only about three blocks from here.

"Get a couple cases of decent stuff," Devi insists.

They nod enthusiastically and head out.

God I'm starved. I need a beer. I need another hit. Something else is missing too, but I can't quite put my finger on it.

Devi giggles as the beer boys head out. "Hey, Johnny," she says, "you want your milkshake?"

"Is it chocolate?" It's not real if it isn't chocolate. She frowns and shakes her head.

"No. No chocolate," she says. "You didn't ask for chocolate. You get vanilla, like everyone else."

Langly suddenly has a predatory look on his face.

"If Byers doesn't want it, give it to me!"

"Go ahead and give him mine," I tell her.

She looks at me as though I've just grown another three heads.

"Everybody loves milkshakes, John." She tries to make me take the shake. Langly's there in a split second and swipes it with a deft grab.

"Mine!" he shouts. He can have it.

Devi goes off to argue with him about who the shake belongs to. I don't care, I don't want it -- it's not chocolate.

God, I'm starving. Where's the pizza already? I think I'm forgetting something. What am I forgetting? Whatever it is, it's up in my room. I climb the stairs to the second floor.

Most Victorian houses have really high ceilings, so the stairwells tend to be long. And the medium to large ones have big rooms, too. This is kind of a medium sized one, with two floors, a huge cellar, and an attic.

Langly laid claim to the attic as his personal space. Thank God -- neither Mel nor I are thrilled with the idea of climbing two or three flights of stairs to get to bed. Our rooms are on the second floor, and a couple of guest rooms. My new bedroom is bigger than some entire apartments I lived in while I was in college. The place dwarfs the bed, desk, dresser and stereo system that took up my entire room before, and it looks awfully empty right now. I fish around in the bedside stand to see if I can remember what I forgot.

I really have to get a bigger bed. I only have a little double bed because that's all that would fit into my  room at the old place. I can't quite stretch out on it enough, and that's always bugged me. I need something on the walls too. Maybe I can even fit a nice comfy chair or two in here.

What am I looking for?

Tale of Two Cities, no; old Fortean Times, no, but that was a fairly good hollow earth story... damn it, don't read right now; half-eaten candy bar... that might hold me until the pizza gets here. I nibble on it as I continue fishing around.

Rolled up tie... how did this get here instead of in my laundry basket? I toss it in with the rest of my dirty clothes.

Photo of Sari... Frohike took it one evening while she was reading Rimbaud to me, and we hadn't noticed. I'm lying on the red couch and she's sitting with me, dressed in jeans and a silk shirt. God, I look awful, my face was still badly bruised. Sari doesn't, she looks really nice. She always does. Yeah, she's definitely missing, but she'll be home in just a couple days. What the hell am I... oh, here it is. She left a little packet of sandalwood incense from when she first stayed with the guys, while I was in the hospital. How can anybody be well and truly stoned without some incense?

I hold it up to my nose and sniff, close my eyes. It smells like her, warm and woody, rich and slightly sweet. I really miss her. I wish she could call me, I'd really like to hear her voice. Devi sounds a little like her sometimes, when she's being quieter than her usual habit. Sari's a quiet person. I like that. It's peaceful. Sometimes when we're together, we just sit, not talking, not doing anything, just being quiet together. It feels good to do that sometimes.

"Byers!" Langly's shouting up the stairs. "Pizza's here! Get it while there's still some left!"

I wonder if the beer's here yet?

End part 02