"Hold tight to the stem of the rose you've been given.
Learn what such a friend is worth.
Write that in the margin and memorize it."

~~Hafiz, translated by Coleman Barks -- The Hand of Poetry~~
______

SUNDAY MAY 20, 2000
LONE GUNMEN HQ
AFTERNOON

FROHIKE:

Ah, home sweet home. It's not quite the same as pulling up to the old warehouse; it's actually a hell of a lot nicer. I'm happy to see that the bars have been installed over the windows -- that means the bulletproof glass went in as well, seeing as it would have to go in first. Okay, so they managed to do something in spite of the fact that Elron and company supplied them with a generous amount of happy weed.

As I head for the door, I don't detect any signs of smoke or water damage. All right, Langly didn't immolate the place. Good deal. I'd take a moment to peruse exactly where I'd like to put my gardens, but decide to say hi to the guys first.

They're in the kitchen when I arrive, chatting rather companionably. That's a switch from their behavior yesterday, but then again, Sari's home and I'm sure that's made Byers easier to deal with. Of course, I realize regretfully, that means that my sweet little kitty is gone. Well, maybe she'll bring him over later. I missed my kitty cat.

"Oh God, it's... alive!" Langly does his Bill Murray imitation from 'Stripes,' and does it well enough that Byers starts cracking up.

"Frohike, welcome home," Byers says amiably, his face bright. Well, well, if I didn't know better, I'd say the boy got laid last night. No chance of that, though. I know him too well.

"Dude, you gotta check out the cool rug Sari brought us!" Langly jumps up from the table, leaving his soup and sandwich behind.

Must be one hell of a rug for him to be that excited over it. They lead me into the den, which is all finally unpacked and set up, where I find the most beautiful Oriental rug I've ever seen. The turquoise and blue tones aren't modern by any stretch of the imagination. And if it's from Sari, it's the real thing; no cheap knockoffs for that girl. She's got too much class. I'm wondering why she did it, though; if this the genuine article, it cost more than we make off the paper in a year.

"It's a Heriz," Byers explains proudly.

I bend down to touch it. The fibers are soft and silky. No, this is definitely not something Langly would have picked up along the roadside.

"Sari said she got an excellent price for it."

I'm wondering how she could afford it, even if she did get one hell of a deal. "Still..."

"Speaking of price, she's gonna make you pay for what you did to her cat," Langly pipes up.

"What do you mean, what I did to her cat?" I'm confused here. All I did was treat the Cardinal kindly, at least as far as I can remember. Even if I was drunk, I would never be cruel to a pet.

"Sari is a bit... perturbed about the amount you fed him during her absence," Byers explains uneasily.

"But he was hungry! Every time I'd go out to the kitchen, he'd follow me and cry." They just don't understand. He was lonely with his mistress out of town. Can't blame him for wanting some extra comfort treats.

"He's fat, dude," Langly says. "And she's pissed."

"Oh shit." Sari's a nice girl, but she's shown a certain capacity for getting even in some very creative ways if she thinks she's been wronged. And if I fed her cat what, in her estimation, was too much, she'll definitely be upset. "What's she planning? And you'd better tell me, Byers, or I'll kick your skinny ass from here to Charleston and back."

Langly snorts. "Guess we were wrong. We figured getting laid would improve his disposition." He looks at Byers, who nods and grins, blushing a little.

"Langly, what is it with you that I'm in a room with you less than ten minutes, and I have an overpowering urge to strangle you?" I know I'm really home now.

"Sari's gonna kill you, man. You know what she's got in mind?" Langly, as always, persists in being obnoxious, and is perfectly oblivious to the fact that he's annoying the shit out of me.

"Oh, do tell," I say sarcastically, although I confess to being mildly worried.

"Yoga. Starting tomorrow at dawn," Byers says, a self-satisfied smirk on his face. Somebody tell me again why I miss these two when I go away.

"What? Yoga?" I believe that involves flexibility. I may be a man of action, but flexibility is not my strong suit. It figures she would think of the worst possible way to torture me. And really, I mean, dawn? It's a reasonable time to go to bed, not wake up. Jesus. All I did was be nice to my kitty, and this is the thanks I get. Maybe she'll forget... no, not her. Oh hell, might as well resign myself to it.

"Hey, we got enough new breakers in, we can get the AC working pretty soon," Langly carols happily. "Got a bunch of new outlets in, too. Finally finished the main floor. Hey, you can run the TV and the VCR all at once now and nothing shorts out! The microwave, too."

Well, nice to hear some good news. I close my eyes and think of Mel... no shortage of good news there. But I miss her terribly, miss her touch, miss how she makes me feel. I sure could use a video. Byers excuses himself, saying he'll do the dishes now, Langly can do them later.

Langly sticks out his tongue at him. "You're only doing it now 'cause later on there's gonna be a lot more dishes!"

Byers simply snickers and departs. I head for the cabinet, hoping Langly will get his sorry ass lost.

"You looking for something, Fro?" Langly asks quizzically.

"I... no, my collection's gone. Probably hauled off by Mulder, or one of those bastard goons of Monroe's."

"You want your 'collection,' man, forget it. It was Byers and Sari, they got it locked up tight. Literally." He's grinning at me.

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"Byers and Sari. They snagged all your vids and put 'em in storage."

I knew something fishy had to be going on, I just knew it. When I think about it, I realize that there's no way Monroe's men could have gotten out of the old office before Skinner's people got there, and still been able to take my entire collection along. Every last goddamn tape, even the ones under the furniture. They didn't even leave me 'Bikini Bandits in Amish Town,' for Christ's sake. If Mulder had done it, he would have spilled the story by now, just from the urge to gloat, but...

"Byers? And Sari?" Oh man. It's always the quiet ones. I swear, those two could sit on a secret like that for a year, just for the payoff when I found out. I grab Langly by his collar with both hands. "Where?"

I hear Byers chuckling away in the kitchen. I'm glad one of us is amused. He won't be for much longer, though.

Langly shrugs and backs away, hands in the air. "Whoa, Fro, I got like no idea, dude. Narcboy won't tell me, and I ain't seen Sari. They figured you'd beat it outta me if they told m e."

"Damn straight I would, and I'll do the..." God, I'm gonna kill him.

I let go of Langly and rush for the kitchen. "BYERS!!!"

end part 7 of 7

~fin~