"Verum nulla tam modesta felicitas est, quae malignitatis dentes vitare possit." (No happiness, however virtuous, is safe from malicious backbiting)

Valerius Maximus, "Facta et dicta memorabilia," 7 ext. 2. Used without permission.
 

MICHAEL:

October 22, 2001
 

I should probably go home and check up on the old man before I head over to the offices, but Langly and me have one goal tonight: get the November issue out. And it looks like it's just him and me. Ally'll probably help us edit. She's good on text, crummy on layout. Layout's a pain. I hate it. Usually we let Dad handle it, he's the best one at it, but no Dad tonight.

Better not be. He better be home resting up. I think he's still pretty tired, which is good. Keeps him off the streets at night.

Nobody there when I get there. Kelly's not home yet. Soon as she gets here, I'll go kiss her, maybe dinner will be ready (Ally always has a little extra-for like 80 or so), but I mostly got to drive this home.

Just hope Langly gets sprung at a reasonable hour. I've done this gig myself, and believe me, I don't want to do it again. I can, but it kills. And I got labs all day tomorrow, which is a bitch day. I don't mind the labs-some of them are okay-but they take forever.

This place is real weird when it's quiet.

Looks like Dad was a good boy and didn't come in. He always leaves a telltale mess when he's here. Right now, looks pretty tidy. Prof straightened up his desk before he left on his honeymoon-lucky fucker. This will piss my dad off no end. Not the prof having a boinkfest on a tropical island, that he cleaned up his desk. Dad's weird about that.

Ally comes out a few minutes after I get there and get stuff booted up. Asks me if I want a beer.

I'm gonna have to pass. I start drinking, I'm gonna get lazy, can't afford to get lazy tonight. Maybe later.

"You gonna help us tonight?" I ask her.

"After the kids are settled in, yeah."

"Good, we can use all the help we can get."

"You'll be fine. You pulled it off twice this summer."

"Yeah, well, be nice if your old man could get here sometime this century."

"He's leaving. Just called."

"Wow, they let him have a phone."

"Pretty amazing, isn't it? Talked to your dad today. He's sounding a little tired still. Talked about coming over. I told him I'd call 911 if he did."

I have to laugh. "Up to his old tricks, as usual."

"Martha definitely has her hands full."

"And other things."

"Michael, you're disgusting." But she laughs. Ally's not a prude. She's private, but not uptight about stuff like that. You can joke with her.

"Hey, Ally, I declared my major."

"That's great! What is it?"

"I'm doing premed."

"Awesome! Tell your dad yet?"

"Yeah, I told him."

"And?" She must hear it in my voice.

"Let's just say he didn't exactly trample me with his enthusiasm."

She laughs again. "Yeah, that sounds like Frohike."

"You know, it'd be nice if just once, I could do something right by him."

"Oh, Michael, you do lots right by him. He's just-well, he's just being a dad, that's all."

"He's such a fucking critic."

"Michael, he wants you to do your best, and I'm sure he's happy. Probably very concerned, but that's the way he is."

"Well, it'd be nice if I didn't have to have the answer to every question every time I bring something up."

"Yeah, wouldn't it? I think he just wants you to be careful, that's all, make sure you've thought about everything."

"He just thinks I'm an idiot."

"No, he doesn't. He brags about you all the time."

"That's bullshit."

"No way, Junior. It's not. He's so thrilled about how you work hard and you've done so well in school-"

"Yeah, well, how come he never tells me?"

"Probably thinks you'll get a swelled head or something if he does. Hey, my daddy never would tell us when we did well. He'd tell everyone else, but not us. Used to irritate the hell out of me, too."

"He's like, I still think he got mad when I got engaged."

"I don't think that's it. It's just that it's such a major step, and let's face it, your dad's got his own issues in that area."

"Why do they have to be my issues?"

"They don't. I think he wants more than anything for you to be happy."

"He's got a mighty strange way of showing it."

She smiles at me. "Someday, Michael, when you're a dad, you'll figure it out."

That seems like a hell of a long wait.
 

Langly finally gets here after he makes a quick stop to kiss the wife and see the kiddies real fast. I mean real fast-time between pulling in and coming out I think was under five minutes. New land speed record for him-lots of times, he gets wrapped up in the kids, forget it, he forgets everything.

"Hey, Junior, how's the old man?"

"Oh, and how are you, Michael? Is everything okay by you? Thanks for asking, by the way." I know, I'm being a sarcastic bastard, but it's like, I don't even exist to these guys sometimes. Make that most times.

"Jesus, Junior, chill. I was just worrying about Fro. Something wrong with that?"

"Yeah, everybody worries about Dad." Especially me.

"Well, whaddya expect?"

"Least he's home vegging out. Where he belongs."

"Yeah, just hope he can come back soon. This is getting real old, trying to do it without him."

"Tell me about it."

"Hey, Ally says you're going premed. Coolness."

"Thanks. Nice that somebody thinks I can do it."

"Junior, will you get off it? We know that when you apply yourself, your little brains can do amazing things."

"Thank you, Langly." Asshole.

"Christ, what is it with you? You got PMS or something?"

"Fuck you, Langly."

"Hey, calm down, would ya? Look, we'll get this monster out tonight, and while we won't probably get a Pulitzer for it, it'll do. So chill. You tell Daddy bear about your plans?"

"Yeah."

"That sounds like he gave you the usual resounding response."

"Once again, whatever I do, I'm a fuckup."

"Junior, will you stop feeling sorry for yourself? Jesus fuck. And I thought I was good at it."

He is.

"I'm not feeling sorry for myself." Well, maybe a little. "I just want him-Jesus, just once, I'd like him to think I was good enough."

"You ain't gonna live that long, Junior. And I'm not either. Does the same thing to me."

"Yeah, well, doesn't it ever just jack you off so bad?"

"He's a pain, yeah. But y'know, lotta times, he ends up being right. So I pay attention."

"Langly, you don't pay attention to anybody."

"Not true, not true."

"You lie."

"Yeah, but not about that."

"Will you shut up already? We got work to do!"

"Okay, fine!"

So we shut up. For a few minutes.

"Hey, Junior, you pack anything extra with Byers?"

"Huh?"

"I said, did you include anything extra in Byers's luggage?"

"Was I supposed to?" Jesus, what the hell is this? I'm trying to write, already!

"Well, y'know, as in, a little bit of surveillance..."

"Langly, you're one sick fuck, you know that?"

He laughs. "Yeah, but would've been fun to see his face when we played the tapes back, huh?"

Actually, the idea of playing back boinking Byers for him to hear...it's almost too funny. I crack up.

"What, did you?"

"Nah. Thought about it, though." He's smiling, nasty, wicked smile.

"So why didn't you?"

He looks up for a minute. "Okay, one. He didn't do it to me and Ally. And lemme tell you, I made sure I checked."

Okay, so occasionally he's got a sense of decency.

"Two, I think knowing how Byers sounds when he does it is more information than I need."

I'd have to go along with that.

"And three, your dad's the one that does the best setup for that, and he was kind of unavailable."

Oh, too bad!

"You really think my dad would do that to you."

"No. But never hurts to be careful."

"I don't think Dad wants to know what you're like in bed." Hell, I already know from reading Ally's stuff.

"Likewise, him and Martha, I can live without that knowledge." He's back to typing. Then he looks up, and he's got this look Patrick gets when he's up to no good. Or Patrick gets the look he gets. However it works. "Could be amusing, though."

"No."

"Junior, you have no sense of humor sometimes."

"About my parents having sex, I don't."

"Well, you know they did it at least twice."

"That's all I need to know." And sometimes, not knowing about Les would have been nice.

"So Junior? You know when Mulder's getting snipped?"

I cringe. Just the thought of someone taking a sharp object to that area of my body...I had my appendix cut out right before my birthday, and first thing I did when I was awake enough to figure out I wasn't dead, I checked to make sure they left everything where it belonged.

"No, and I don't want to."

"Ah, c'mon, could be fun to go along and hassle him."

"Langly, maybe you have no life, but I do."

"I got a life, Junior. I just need some amusement sometimes."

"I don't think tagging along for somebody's chop job is my idea of amusement."

"Yeah, but any chance to bug Mulder is a good chance."

"Maybe his wife's doing it. She won't let us hang out."

"Scully? No way. She doesn't do that sort of thing. She's better working on dead people."

"Ever watched her?"

"Once."

"Interesting?"

"Kind of gross, actually."

"You're a wussy, Langly."

"Oh, let's see you do it!"

"I'm gonna have to if I go to med school."

"That's true. You gonna toss your cookies first day?"

"No, I'm not!"

"Bet you do."

"Bet I don't."

"Twenty bucks says you puke your guts up. Or pass out."

"Not gonna happen, asshole. But if you wanna lose twenty bucks, and wait three years for it, well, that's your problem."

"I'm not gonna lose my twenty."

"Fuck that. You're on."

"It's nasty."

"You've watched one time! How the fuck do you know?"

"It was just kind of...well, gross."

"Did you lose your lunch?"

"I'm not saying."

"Ha! You did it! You couldn't handle it!" Knew it. Langly's a wuss about that sort of thing.

"Didn't say I did, didn't say I didn't."

"Which means you did. Admit it, fuckrag. You couldn't do it."

"Hey, guy was a mess! Got smooshed by a bus, for Christ's sake! His spine was part hanging out!"

I love watching him turn pale talking about it.

"Wimp," I hassle him.

"I'll just wait," he decides.

"You'll wait a long time."

"Three years."

"Longer."

"Bet not."

"Bet so."

"We already bet."

"Yeah, we better get this sucker out instead of fucking around all night."

"Speak for yourself, asshole."

"I did."

"When's the prof and J come back?"

"Next Sunday."

"Think he'll be ready to help us on December?"

"He better be. Course, we all got this job for Lu, doing stuff for Byers's daddy..."

"When'd that happen?" Nobody told me about this.

"Just before the wedding. Daddy's been having a few problems. Wants Lu to help him out."

"So she can do it."

"Daddy owns lots of real estate."

"So are you doing it?"

"Yeah, me, your dad, Byers, and Lu and Renegade. I think maybe Juliet, too, but Byers isn't too hot on that one."

"Dad's working for her?"

"Supposed to be. Though who knows, with his latest stunt."

"He better not be working at home. I'll kill him."

"Me first."

"I got dibs. I'm his kid."

"Doesn't matter. Martha'll kill him first."

"She will, too."

"You get on with her okay?"

"Martha? Yeah, she's cool. I mean, as cool as your dad's girlfriend can be."

"Hey, speaking of girlfriends, isn't that yours pulling in now?" He flicks a thumb towards the driveway.

It's Kelly, yay!

"Hey, close the fucking door!" Langly yells as I run out to see Kelly. I've hardly seen her this week.

Her cheeks are all pink from the cold, and she tosses her thousand-pound backpack over her shoulders and gives me this big smile. And a big kiss.

"Mmm, more," she says, biting my lower lip a little bit. Yum.

"Why, you cold?"

"Not now." We keep kissing.

"Gotta study tonight?"

"Mmm-hmm. Anatomy and physiology."

"Mmm, I know somebody's anatomy and physiology I'd like to study." Looks a lot like hers.

"Hmm, well, I think I need more practice in learning about the male anatomy," and I can feel her hands slip into my jeans.

"Don't do that, I got to get this issue out tonight, me and Langly."

Her hand slides over my ass, and I'm just about to say, fuck it and drag her down to her room...

"Dinner!" I hear Ally call out.

Well, in my bio class, they say the fundamental evolutionary survival drives are food and sex.

I'd like to make sure both get satisfied tonight.
 

Ally's made white lasagna-what's that called, Lasagna Provencal or something? Anyway, it's real good. She's made it before, it's got spinach and carrots and mushrooms in it and cheese and white sauce. Probably something my dad can't have anymore, so I better enjoy it over here.

"I hate this!" Patrick doesn't like this stuff, and he's not making any big secret about it.

"Fine. Go hungry," Ally doesn't get all wrapped up in any head trips about food. My mom, she'd be like, I cooked it and you're gonna eat it because I did. Ally doesn't give a fuck.

"C'mon, dude, it's good," Langly tells him. "Mommy makes good stuff."

"Mommy makes poison!" He's learned about poison, and Ally says he's obsessed with poison now.

"My mom does NOT make poison!" This is real funny coming from Miranda, who bitches about what's being served at least half the time. "Langly, you left some pins in your hair." She gets up and yanks on a few bobby pins, which makes Langly yell in pain. Miranda isn't always the most gentle.

"Why don't you just cut your hair?" I suggest.

He looks at me like I just suggested I sleep with his mother or something.

"Okay, okay, my fault for saying it!"

"So dude, you play outside today or you bug Mommy all day?"

"Bugged Mommy," he's sitting there, not eating, kicking his feet against the chair. And me.

"He won't go outside," Ally says, shaking her head.

"'Cause I seed him!"

"He's been like this since Chris came around," Ally finally sits down, pops a beer for herself and one for Langly.

"Chris is a jerk, but you don't need to be afraid of him," Miranda says.

"He's bad! My daddy says!"

We all look at him.

"He used to visit your daddy?" Ally looks puzzled.

"Yeah! Daddy says he's a asshole!"

"Well, no argument there," Miranda agrees.

"You sure it wasn't just somebody that looked like him?" Langly's like not convinced.

"No! I seed him when we went blading!"

All of a sudden, it's a little bit chilly around the table.

"Look, dude, he's not gonna hurt you," Langly says, patting his shoulder.

"Yes he is!"

"No, he's not," Ally says.

"He scares me!"

Finally, Ally just looks up at Langly.

"Langly?"

"We got an issue to get out tonight. But I'll check it, soon as I can. Promise."

"Just be careful. All of you."

Yeah, but careful of what?

That's the question, isn't it?

END OF PART 12