"Peras imposuit Iupiter nobis duas: propriis repletam vitiis post tergum dedit, alienis ante pectus suspendit gravem." (Jupiter makes us carry two sacks: the one in back is full of our own shortcomings, the one in front full of other people's).

Phaedrus, "Prologus," IV, 10, 1. Used without permission.
 

MARTHA:

Gizzie shows up what seems like moments later, pounding on my door and screaming, "Hey, open up already, it's cold out here!"

"You don't need to do this," I tell her, wiping the tears off my face.

"Bullshit I don't. Get in the car."

You don't fuck around with Gizzie. I do as I'm told.

She's got a Windstar minivan. The Bayers choose their cars on the basis of how well they fit dog crates. Apparently this one made the grade.

"So he's being a jerk," Gizzie says as we enter the van.

"Well, you know, he's feeling poorly-"

"Martha, say it. He's being a jerk."

"Okay, he's being a jerk."

"There, doesn't that feel better?"

"No."

"I was afraid this was gonna happen," she says as she speeds out on to the highway. Driving with Gizzie is an adventure. If you're lucky, you'll miss it in your lifetime.

"Afraid what was going to happen?" I can feel a fresh burst of tears coming on. I gulp in a few hard breaths. Gizzie hands me the box of tissues that have fallen on the driver's side, along with various dog toys and fast-food wrappers and cups.

"That you were gonna let your judgment get clouded."

"You were the one that told me to kiss him! You ordered me to do it, in fact!"

"I'm not talking about that, now just shut up and listen! I was worried that your involvement with him was gonna color your professional judgment. And it has."

"Thank you, Gizzie. I needed that." Now I've been a failure, both personally and professionally.

"Oh, stop feeling sorry for yourself and pull it together. Look, Martha, you can't be someone's lover and their nurse. You can't do it."

"I was doing it."

"Yeah, well, you weren't doing the wild thing then."

"And you think just because we've...well, made love...that I can no longer keep my professional distance?"

"Nope. In fact, I know you can't."

"I've tried."

"Martha, you can't do it! Nobody can! That's why we don't treat family members, remember?"

I guess I am pushing the ethical envelope here.

"He needs an impartial third party to bust his ass. Not you. That's just gonna make it complicated."

"It's already complicated."

"So why make it worse? Fuck you, too, asshole!" Some moron in a Monte Carlo tries to cut her off. She flips him off.

"He's not going to listen, Giz."

"Oh, he'll listen. Trust me on this one." Her grin is wicked.

"Why, you going to sit on him if he doesn't?"

She smiles, evilly. "Something like that."

"What's your plan?"

"Honey, you're his lover. So from now on, I'm his nurse."

I cringe. He hasn't agreed to this. And he probably won't.

"He's really stubborn, Giz."

"Yeah, and I'm not? Let's see who blinks first."

"He's going to be pissed."

"Initially, yeah. So what? We piss people off all the time. It's not our job to make 'em happy, Martha. It's our job to make 'em well."

"I've been trying to. He just won't..."

"Won't what?"

"Won't take care of himself."

"Big surprise there. Most men don't. You think Ron looks after himself? Get real."

"I keep trying to tell him how important it is that he do this-"

"Oh, like that's going to make a huge impression! Not! You see, girl, you love him. You want to make him happy. And you can't do that and be the bitch of a nurse you have to be. So let Giz take over here. You take care of the kisses, I'll take care of the spankings."

Oh God, I hope she doesn't say that to him. He might like it.

"I can't do this, Giz."

"Can't do what?"

"Giz, I can't bury another husband."

"Did you guys go and do something crazy?"

"What do you mean?"

"Martha, you just said you can't go and bury another husband. What're you and ol' Mel up to?"

"I meant-"

"I know what you meant. Don't worry about it. Your secret's safe with me."

"We're not married! We haven't even talked about it!"

She laughs. "So what? You're thinking about it."

"I am not. It's too soon-"

"Oh, don't lie to me, this is the Giz you're talking to!"

"Gizzie, if he won't take care of himself, there's no future for us." And I mean that.

"Exactly. And that's why I'm about to become his new nurse."

I'm a nervous wreck the rest of the way to Alexandria.
 

"Gizzie, I can't do this."

"Sure you can. We just open the door. You have keys."

"Yes, but...I sort of ran off-"

"And he's just as upset as you are. More. C'mon, girl. Move your ass."

"Gizzie, don't you think we should talk about it with him first?"

"Oh, I plan to talk first, believe me!"

Not what I meant. Gizzie will talk first, last, and in between. Unless she's had a drastic change in approach since I saw her a few days ago. Somehow, I doubt that.

"His son is there!"

"So? You think sonny boy isn't worried? From what you tell me he's frantic."

"He is."

"So? You think he's gonna argue with us? I don't think so."

"I'm not really worried about Michael."

"So what are you worried about, girl?"

"That...that he'll tell me to get lost, and he never wants to see me again...and...and..."

"Not a fucking chance. Not from where I sit."

Except that she hasn't been sitting where I sit.

"I need him, Giz. I really do...I'm so embarrassed, but I need him." I feel the tears flushing my eyes again.

"Why are you embarrassed? So you got needs like the rest of us. Big deal."

"I've always been able to handle things..."

"Oh, Martha, get off it. So you had to be Superwoman while Daniel was alive. You don't anymore."

"I'm having a hard time with that."

"Yeah, well, get used to it. We can only do what we can do."

"It seems like I used to be able to do more."

"Martha, you probably do everything in the world for this guy except pee for him, and you'd probably do that if you could! Will you quit beating yourself up already?"

"How can I? I was supposed to take care of him! I failed."

"Martha, you don't listen too well, do you? You can't take care of him as a lover and a nurse at the same time. Now get over it."

We're at the door.

She looks at me, clear brown eyes steady.

"Well? We gonna stand out here in the hall all night, or are you gonna open the door already?"
 

"Jesus, you scared the shit outta me!" Michael's still at the kitchen table, studying.

"How's...your dad?"

"The bear is in a real bad mood. Had to help him out of bed once. Surprised he didn't kill me."

"Has he gone back to sleep?" Gizzie asks. Not that this would stop her.

"Beats the hell out of me. I only come when called." Michael returns to his chemistry text.

"Fine, we'll go see him. So where is he?" Gizzie turns to me.

"This way." I knock timidly at the door. "Mel?"

No answer.

"He's probably asleep." I'm hoping that for once, Gizzie will bow to common decency and not wake the patient up.

And to tell the truth, I'm not really prepared to face him yet.

"Fuck that, he probably didn't hear you. Hey Melvin!"

I nearly fall over, both from shock and volume. I hear Michael drop something in the kitchen. Probably tore into his nerves, too.

"Who's there?" A hoarse, unhappy, unfriendly croak greets us from behind the door.

"It's your new nurse."

"I don't need a new nurse."

"Like hell you don't. You can either let me in, or I'm coming in."

Never one to skip taking initiative, Gizzie opens the door and flips on the light. He's been in the dark.

Mel blinks at me, and he's scowling. He is not pleased about this.

"What's the matter, had to call in the major artillery?"

"She had nothing to do with it. I decided to come." Typical Gizzie, taking the rap. Well, she's used to it, I'll say that much. Nobody ever accused her of trying to skirt her responsibilities. "Now let me see your leg."

"Martha's seen it. She apparently doesn't want anything to do with an old, sick man."

"That is bullshit, Mel!" I can feel the tears coming on again.

"So why'd you run out?"

"Because you won't listen to me!"

"Martha, I do listen to you."

"No, you don't. You won't look after yourself."

"I've been in bed all day. What more do you want?"

"Fever thermometer," Gizzie looks at me, ordering up equipment. She's slipped into professional mode.

I walk blindly to the bathroom and pull it out of the medicine chest. It's been used before-probably by Michael.

"Look, I'm fine," Mel protests to her.

"Shut up," Gizzie tells him, popping the electronic rod in his mouth. She grabs his wrist for a pulse. "More rapid than I'd like after what you've been through." She looks at me again. "Your steth with you?"

"In my backpack."

"Get it."

Did I mention that when Gizzie is in professional mode, she's totally pushy?

Well, it's how she gets things done. It'd never work for me, but somehow, she can pull it off. And have people still love her.

She listens to him. "Nope. Don't like this. Okay, Melvin. You're going."

"Going where?"

"You're hospitalized, dude."

"I'm not going."

"Melvin, if I have to throw you over my shoulder myself, you're going."

"Martha was doing just fine taking care of me here."

"Martha would do fine if you'd listen to her! Which you don't. Anyway, you've got a fever over 100, swelling in your leg, rapid pulse and breathing, and you're going. Any questions?"

"What about my son?"

"What about him? He's 25 according to Martha! I think he can manage!"

"No, he can't."

"Mel, he's fine. He's in the kitchen studying." I'm trying to placate him. This may not occur for quite some time at the rate we're going. "And I'm going to go tell him you have to go."

"I can tell him myself, you know."

"Fine, I'll get him." I stroll quietly into the kitchen. "Michael?"

He just about jumps when I say his name. "Sorry. Little edgy here."

"I've noticed. Michael, we have to put your dad in the hospital again. I'm sorry."

He sets his head on his folded arms. "Was afraid that was gonna happen."

"I think it's better he be there."

"Probably." He does not sound happy. Well, Martha, what were you expecting?

"I think he wants to talk to you."

"No, he doesn't. He wants to yell at me if he wants anything."

"Michael, he said he wants to tell you himself."

"Whatever." He closes the text, marking his spot with a pen, and heads for his father's room.

I follow him in. "So Dad, what's going on?"

Mel makes a horrible face. "It appears that I've been taken captive by this young lady here."

Michael looks at Gizzie. "She's not young."

"Fuck you, little boy." But her voice is surprisingly good-natured. And we actually make him laugh.

"I think you should," Michael says, and to my surprise, gently takes his dad's hand, and Dad does not push him off.

Mel rolls his eyes. "I knew you were going to say that."

"Dad, come on! Please! You're sick, just get better, okay?"

"Looks like I don't have a choice."

"You're right, you don't." Michael looks as if he's going to cry. "C'mon, I'll get your stuff, I'll come with."

"No, you're not, you're staying right here and you're studying."

"Mel, he wants to be with you," I say gently.

"Nope, he's right. Michael, you stay here." Gizzie's giving orders again, and in her she-who-must-be-obeyed tone that nobody dares defy.

"But he's my dad!" Michael looks horribly upset.

"Uh-huh. And right now, he's a real pain in the ass," Gizzie says, looking to one, then the other.

If Mel wasn't sick, and such a gentleman, I think he'd slug her right now.

Michael and I slip some things in a duffel bag for Mel. "I'm ready when you are, Giz."

"Well, you guys can help me get him downstairs, but then, you're both staying here."

"Gizzie, no!" I have to go. I have to.

"Look, can I talk to you guys for a minute?" She turns to Mel and points an index finger at him. "You. Don't go anywhere."

The three of us head for the kitchen, and Gizzie actually knocks down the volume.

"Okay, Sparky, here's the deal," she does her best Jack Nicholson impression.

"He has to go to VA. No insurance," I remind her.

"I know, I know. I got two friends who work med-surg at VA, two nursing school buddies. I'm gonna make sure he gets the treatment he deserves."

I feel my blood freeze over.

"Okay, now, from where I sit, I'm thinking, they massively dose him with antibiotics tonight, some anti-inflammatories, fever's down in 24 hours, and then another 24 and he's home. So here's what's gonna happen. You guys do NOT go to see him. Got it?"

"We can't do that!" Michael looks as if he's about to have a conniption here. "You can't make-"

Gizzie brushes her lip with her finger in a shushing gesture. "Look, you guys are tired of putting up with his bad behavior, right? Well, we're gonna put a stop to that."

"Never work." Michael shakes his head. "And he's gonna kill us when he gets home."

"He will not. He'll be meek as a lamb," Gizzie assures us.

"He's going to miss us." At least I hope he will, as I say this.

"That's the idea." Gizzie folds her arms.

"This could totally backfire, Giz," I warn her.

"Could. But it won't."

I wish I had her confidence.

"This is pretty damn cruel," Michael looks pained. As pained as I feel.

"Yeah, it is. But if he's not gonna respond when you play nice, we're gonna play rough instead.

"He needs his family around. How many times do we tell people that in CCU, Giz?"

Giz turns her face upwards, as if concentrating. "Look, you've all been around for him, every time, right?"

"Uh-huh," Michael says. I swear the boy is going to cry.

"And he doesn't learn a thing, right?"

"That's my dad," Michael says, sadly. "He just won't do it. I bet you can't even get him in the car."

"Bet you I can," Gizzie is up for a challenge now.

"He's gonna be mad," Michael says, his face screwing up.

"Yeah, well, you guys keep saying, you need him around, you need him around. Well, let's do a little turnabout is fair play here. Let's see how he likes it with nobody around."

"He's probably going to get very depressed," I warn Gizzie. Depression is a huge problem in heart patients, and this little experiment of hers is not likely to help.

"So? He won't be in that long. Provided, of course, he behaves. Which he will, because Alyssa and Joyce are gonna make his life so miserable, he'll be willing to do anything to get his ass out of there. Including toe the line."

I look at Michael. He looks back at me.

It's totally crazy. So crazy, in fact...

It just might work.

"C'mon. Help me get this snarling bear into my car." Gizzie motions us. 
 

As expected, when Mel finds out we will not be accompanying him, he's furious.

And I think more than a little frightened.

But we finally wrestle him into Gizzie's minivan. She did threaten twice to put him in the dog crate in the back.

And she would have.

I feel my heart break as they drive off.

"You think this is gonna work?" Michael asks pleadingly.

"I hope so." I hope Gizzie didn't miscalculate on this one...

Or it's probably all over between Mel and me. This thought sinks my stomach into my feet.

"That Gizzie chick, she is pushy, man," Michael shakes his head.

"She's also the best nurse I've ever met, and she's trained a lot of new doctors."

He looks horrified. "You mean, I gotta put up with that kind of abuse in med school?"

"Well, from Gizzie, you'd be lucky to get it. She drives hard, but she'll teach you everything, and she'll support you every inch of the way. Of course, unless you got into med school at Georgetown, you wouldn't get the benefit of her experience."

"You mean to tell me nobody's ever kicked her ass or punched her out?"

"I'm sure they've thought about it, but believe me, you'll learn more medicine from Gizzie in a week than from anyone else in a year. You'll learn about patients, and how to make hard choices."

"I'm sorry?"

"Michael, sometimes in medicine, you have to make choices that are not very good...you just do the best you can."

"Sort of like in real life, huh?"

"Exactly."

"So you think this was a good choice?" He says, referring to Gizzie's plan with Mel.

I shut my eyes. "Oh, God, I hope so."

It's going to be a long 48 hours.
 

I head back in with Michael. "I should probably get going," I tell him. "Are you going to be all right?"

He looks alarmed. "Um...I was sort of thinking...like can't you just stay here?"

At this point, I'm not sure what I want to do. I won't sleep in Baltimore, and I won't sleep here.

I'm just going to worry wherever I am, so I don't suppose it matters.

He looks at me, eyes pleading, frightened. "Please?"

He looks so sad, so scared. Those soft green eyes, just like his father's...

I almost cry thinking about it.

"I just...I just don't wanna be by myself right now, y'know?"

He's trying so hard to be tough. I can see him fighting it.

I slip my arm over his shoulder.

"Of course I'll stay with you."

He leans into me when I do this.

And both of us burst into tears.

END OF PART 3